#and tiktok function wasn't one of them...

[oddyseye]

Oh I see. We've entered the phase of the conversation where someone tries to pretend Hamilton's "flaws" are equivalent to Burr's total lack of a moral spine. Fucking adorable. You tried, sweetheart, but your take is still dead on arrival.

First of all, don't you dare try to pull the "Hamilton wanted to stage a coup!!" card like you found some dark, edgy secret no one else knows about. Newsflash: everyone knows about Newburgh. And you clearly missed the entire damn point. Hamilton wasn't trying to overthrow the government, he was trying to stop mutiny and get soldiers PAID after being dragged through hell for independence. That's not shady. That's literally being one of the only grown-ass men in the room. If anything, he stopped the country from crumbling into chaos before it even got off the ground. But sure, let's act like he was just stroking his ego. Clown behavior.

Yeah, Hamilton pushed for a different method of choosing electors in New York...through the legislature, not some shady-ass back alley plan. This wasn't about Hamilton being a tyrant. This was about keeping literal opportunists like Burr from gaining power through backdoor games. Y'all are out here clutching pearls like Hamilton nuked the Constitution with his pen, when the man was trying to preserve the only functioning fucking system of order the country had.

Also: "Hamilton tried to force Congress to listen to him"—dude, that was literally his JOB. What do you want him to do, write them a poem? Bake them muffins? He was the Treasury Secretary, the guy keeping the entire economy from falling flat on its ass. And I'm sorry, but if that takes a little yelling and strong-arming, GOOD. That's leadership. That's conviction. That's not floating around like Burr with a vague smile and zero commitment.

You said Burr had "principles"? WHERE? Name ONE policy, one belief, one stand he actually took that wasn't just convenient in the moment. Even when he advocated for women to have the right to vote, he did it once, it failed, and he never did anything remotely feminist ever again (except fuck a few dozen women and cheat on his wives multiple times). So go on, I'll wait. You're saying Burr was misunderstood like he was some shy little bookworm in the corner who just needed a hug. Get real. The man was out here playing both sides like it was fucking poker night. He pretended to be a Democratic-Republican to win votes, and he never aligned fully with Jeffersonian values. He claimed moderation, but never backed it up with consistent action. He ran for VP and immediately started back-channeling to become president when the votes came in tight. If that's "principled", then I'm a damn unicorn.

So no. I'm not here for this "both sides were flawed" neutral-ass revisionist crap. Burr wasn't a victim. He wasn't a martyr. He was a man who let ambition rot whatever spine he had left. And Hamilton might've been abrasive, proud, even reckless, but he gave a damn about the republic. And he was right to call Burr out. Every. Damn. Time.

Get back to me when you've got actual historical analysis, not vibes and TikTok takes.

Now, about “The Election of 1800”. Part VIII of HOW LMM VILIFIED BURR FOR HIS OWN CONVENIENCE JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE HAS ALWAYS DONE YOU BASTARDS

Now, “The Election of 1800” obviously combines two different elections and mucks around with the timeline, but you kinda gotta do that to history to some extent to get a clean story that you can tell to a naive audience in one evening with some bangin’ tracks. The simplification, however, is done in such a way that it makes Burr look worse and Hamilton look better. Burr did “openly campaign”, but in 1800 it was to get out the Democratic-Republican vote to defeat the Federalists; it wasn’t for himself specifically. Meanwhile, the mucking around with the timeline makes Hamilton look like a grieving father reluctantly dragged out of retirement, but in 1800 Philip was still alive and Hamilton was never reluctant to make his opinions known.

Mostly I haven’t been looking at all the ways that LMM, egged on by Chernow, glorifies Hamilton, but here that starts to become directly detrimental to Burr.

“Yo! The people are asking to hear my voice!” NO THEY REALLY WEREN’T. Hamilton was not a sad, gentle man who just wanted to be left in peace uptown. He was an embittered leader of a political party in decline who wanted to destroy his personal political rival. Nobody asked him to write letter after letter to members of Congress denigrating Burr and telling them to vote for Jefferson. He wanted to.

And note that he didn’t just “promote” Jefferson. He wrote long tirades accusing Burr of naked ambition, partiality to France, bankruptcy (ironic since his own financial situation was no better) and of leaving the Revolutionary Army at a bad time. He was, frankly, vicious.

This is mysteriously missing from the musical. As is the fact that the House of Representatives went through THIRTY-SIX contingent ballots - one state, one vote - to try to break the tie. During that process Burr actually had the slight edge in terms of actual individual ballots. (The states divided 8:6 with two tied, but Burr got a significant minority of the individual ballots in the states that went to Jefferson).

Real history: Jefferson discovered that his moderate running mate was arguably more popular than he was. An unelected meddler with a grudge wrote frenzied tirades against his rival to break the deadlock.

Musical history: Burr ran directly against Jefferson. A respected father-of-the-country type figure was consulted, and advised what was best for the country - possibly despite his own personal feelings.

Even though LMM hasn’t actually set out to disparage Burr - FOR ONCE - the way he has simplified the story and elided Hamilton’s flaws has had the effect of, oh yes, trampling a decent man underfoot yet again.

I am tired, Lin. So very tired.

[bohnerrific69]

oh tumblr added a tiktok like function... eww hell no 💀

[vicolette]

Little Thief !

– A/N : Hector the man you are.

– Warnings : English isn’t my first language, uses of y/n & pet names, not proofread

"Hector?"

The said person was currently enjoying his bowl of cereal, mindlessly scrolling through his TikTok feed, when he heard a familiar voice. It was you, his girlfriend of three weeks now. The relationship was fresh and you two didn’t always have time, but it still (somehow) worked.

"Yeah, what is it?" His words were slightly muffled due to the cereal and his voice was hoarse from having woken up just now, his gaze raised as he turned his phone off.

Once Hector heard your footsteps getting louder, he raised an eyebrow and wondered why you weren’t saying anything. You were usually always quick to answer unless you were busy, but with what were you busy?

The answer to it was simple, although dumb: you couldn’t find his hoodies. Whenever he came around and then had to go, he would occasionally leave something behind. Firstly, it was a mere drink that you liked. Then, one of his pricey perfumes, and just yesterday it had been one of his hoodies.

However, it was gone now, vanished into thin air, but you knew that it couldn’t just go away, right? So, there was only one possible answer to this.

Hector took it back.

"Hey, so…" As you stood near the doorframe, which connected the living room and the kitchen, you gave him a sheepish smile before glancing down, seeing him wear your – his – hoodie. A mere eyebrow raised was all it took for Hector to look down, not knowing what was wrong.

Well, until the gear started functioning in his head and he realized what was so wrong of him to wear a Barcelona hoodie. Hector continued to hold eye contact with you, before rolling his eyes at your drama.

"Seriously?" Although his words were meant to sound annoyed, his tone of voice hinted at amusement at your obsession with his own things, leaning back. His phone and bowl of cereal were long forgotten, his gaze only on you. "You have, what, five thousand other hoodie? You can wear them."

With a firm shake of your head, you stomped closer and approached him, crossing your arms at how sassy he was being with you. "Uhm, no, thank you."

He solely gave you an expression, one which told you "that’s your problem." before he had even said it. "That’s your problem."

You gave him a pout and huffed, looking away as if it would make everything better, but it didn't. He wasn't budging from his seat, so why even care about it at this point?

Well, it seemed to be worth it, even if it took him a while to give up on wearing it and threw it off of his head, standing up from his seat as Hector lazily walked up to you. His legs were still burning from yesterday's intense workout, but he still made an effort to cross the room and get to your side.

With a swift move, Hector pulled the hoodie down to your shoulders as it almost perfectly was shaped for you, if only it was a bit smaller. It had your scent – one, which wasn't too strong yet still had someone look back to see who had that smell.

"There." Hector responded with an unbothered voice, placing a hand on your shoulders as he pulled you closer. After finally getting what you had wanted, you looked up at his with dreamy eyes, yet still that very same mischievious grin.

Hector knew that he won't ever get it back again, yet he simply sighed out of disbelief and shook his head, wrapping his arms around you tightly. If this was the last time that he would see it, then he might as well enjoy seeing you in it.

"Happy now?"

"Very, thanks!"

– A/N : I have no ideas…, requests would be appreciated lol

[ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused]

could u pls write a fic about a plus sized reader noticing Spencer doesnt look at her alot so one morning she wears lingerie and a see through robe and she teases him until he just takes her on the couch?

ೇ self control ― spencer reid .ᐟ

pairing .ᐟ spencer reid x plus size!reader

summary | listen, it wasn't that you didn't love the domestic life with spencer, but god, you just really missed being touched (and penelope has a solution).

warnings | uhh this is almost 3k of pwp firstly, penelope being the best wingwoman to ever exist, lingerie, teasing, unprotected sex, couch sex, vaginal sex, sub!spencer reid, dom!reader, kind of switch spencer and reader at the end, riding, heavy petting, subspace if you squint, mentions of oral sex (m and f rec), the reader is lowkey a freak (and penelope instigates it), clothed sex, the reader is dressed and spencer isn't, i held myself back from including a mommy kink, but that's the best you're getting from me, a lack of foreplay (be considerate folks), consent kink, praise kink.

wordcount | 2817

⋆ a/n: HEY SO i really let this get away from me in the sense of this was meant to kind of be dom!spencer but i blinked and all of a 2k was written of sub!spencer so yikes!! but i really enjoyed writing this, it's been literally forever since i've written pwp so... here ya go!! i'm trying to be more organized with uploading because i really want to clear out my drafts before starting any new projects.

— links .ᐟ masterlist | ao3

“Pen, have you ever seen those TikToks where it’s like ‘he has a whole woman in his bed yet he’s playing World of Warcraft’ or some shit like that?” You ask the phone that’s tucked under your chin.

You’re in the middle of putting up laundry, but a feeling of unrest bubbled beneath your skin.

Penelope laughs, “And let me guess, that’s how you feel right now?” 

You sigh, looking down at the shirt that refuses to turn inside out. You throw it back in the hamper with a huff before grabbing a pair of – Spencer’s – jeans.

“I just – I’m not with Spencer for just sex, you know that, but it’s been like… forever since I’ve gotten any.” You can’t even listen to yourself talk.

“We’ve been in this like… domestic bliss stage, and while I love waking up to breakfast in bed and giggly showers, I’m horny and every time he does something so normal – something that shouldn’t even be considered sexy – I have to hold myself back from jumping his bones.” 

Penelope lets out a rather unattractive chortle, but she continues. “Listen sister, while I love the Boy Genius as much as the next person, he’s kinda dense. With all those brains, he’s rather hard-headed when it comes to romance.”

“I know, I know, and those are one of the reasons why I love him! The denseness is cute, but I’m starting to think I sabotaged myself.” You look down longingly at the MIT t-shirt. Spencer was away at the office right now, so that means whatever conversation you were having with the colorful woman on the other end was completely inappropriate.

“You know what I think?” She starts. “Oh God.” You sigh fondly. “Oh, hush! Don’t even act like my ideas aren’t good! Anyway… If there’s one thing I’ve learned from being quite the seductress myself, is that at the end of the day a man is a man, and they can be reduced down to their most primal instincts.”

“What are you saying?” You inquire curiously with furrowed eyebrows. “I’m saying that you gotta work with what ya mama gave ya! Men are dumb, they see a tit or a nice ass and they lose all cognitive function. So what I’m saying is to put on some lingerie and act like a little minx! Guys love it when you tease them and act like you don’t know what you’re doing! It’s about the chase, my fellow curvaceous protege.”

“So you’re saying to… seduce him?”  

“That’s exactly what I’m saying – Oh! Good morning sir! Yes, sorry, I’ll call you back when I’ve got the answer to what you need… yes okay bye-bye!” And with that, you’re left listening to the silence. 

You laugh, shaking your head in exasperation before taking a seat on the bed.

Seduce him, huh? The notion almost seems ridiculous, but it really isn’t that far fetched. You’ve had sex with Spencer before, you know how his brain works, what gets him needy and what parts of you turn him on. Maybe it’s not such a bad idea.

You don’t really own any lingerie, because for one, the material that’s supposedly the back of your underwear gets swallowed by your ass, and two, Spencer’s never complained about your granny panties. But hey, it doesn’t hurt to look right?

Okay, seduce Spencer Reid is a go.

Taking one last scrutinizing look in the bathroom mirror, you leave quietly, walking into the kitchen and pouring yourself a glass of coffee. Liquid courage as they say.

The light pink sheer robe hangs off of your ample form, the fuzz on the edge of your sleeves getting in your way and irritating you. God, if this doesn’t work, a woman by the name of Penelope Garcia is going to find herself six feet underground.

Spencer sat on the couch slipping his feet into a pair of mismatched socks – you’ve stopped trying to organize them a while ago – tucking them into his converse. He’s off today, probably having plans with the bookstore and the park before offering to make the both of you dinner. It’s endearing to say the least, but food is not something you're hungry for.

“So, what’s on the agenda for today?” You ask before taking a sip of your coffee. He hasn’t looked up, but you’re facing him now, your scantily clad body exposed by the thin satin of your white bra and underwear. A devil in disguise (you hope).

“Hmm, I was thinking about playing chess in the park for an hour or two before going to the bookstore. A new novel about quantum physics just came out, and even though it’ll probably be about stuff I already know, I’m always willing to look at it from a different perspec…” Spencer finally looked up, his sentence slurring a bit. “...tive.”

“Ah! That sounds exciting! I’ll text you what I want for dinner later if that’s okay? Or would you rather I go shopping with you?”

He blinks, his mouth hanging open intelligently, as though he’s still trying to process exactly what he’s seeing. “Yes. I mean no - I mean… I… what are you wearing?”

You spare a lazy look down, as though you had forgotten you even had the thing on.

“Oh this? It’s just really hot in the apartment today. So make sure you bring some sunscreen and a fan, yeah? Don’t want you getting a sunburn or having a heat stroke.”

“I - I’ve never seen that set before, is it new?” He stammers. You click your tongue as if you genuinely had to date the outfit back, when in reality the tags to the set itself sits pretty in the bathroom trash can. “I have no idea honestly, it looked comfortable though, so I just slipped it on. You don’t mind, right?”

“I… no. I don’t.”

You beam at him, “Perfect. Oh! Let me make you some coffee before you go, I know how hard it is for you to start your day without it.” 

You turn back around, and you could hear Spencer fruitlessly swallow a gasp. The back of your underwear might as well have been a piece of string, because your ass cheeks were basically eating the material. It was uncomfortable, but oh well, beauty is pain.

You smirk in victory, pulling out a medium sized thermos and pouring the rest of the liquid in it.

You didn’t hear him move, let alone walk behind you, but two large hands placed themselves respectively on your hips, the man tucking his face in the side of your neck. You shiver at the hot blow of air that escapes through his nose, and his grip on your skin turns a little tighter.

“What are you doing?” The question is mumbled, but you don’t miss it. “What does it look like? I’m making you coffee, silly.” He huffs. “No. I mean what are you doing to me?”

He presses forward, pushing his half hard cock between your cheeks. It was your turn to gasp, and you couldn’t help but put down the pot of coffee, pushing the now full thermos away to avoid any future hazards. 

You hold on to the edge of the counter, tilting your head further to the side to give the needy man more access. He takes the hint, peppering sweet, heated kisses on the sensitive skin of your throat. You shiver once more, sighing out a smile.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You know lying is useless, especially with the way your voice sounded so breathless. “You know you’re a terrible liar.” It was a playful dig, and his palms had begun to move, pushing on your full stomach to put more of your weight on him.

“Hm, but you don’t know every single thing I have in the closet, now do you?” You remark, yelping when he nipped at your earlobe. “Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong and you know it.” You do. “Do I?”

“This is terrible foreplay.” He jokes and you giggle. “I’d say I’m doing a pretty good job, don’t you think?” You push your hips back and add a bit of friction onto his cock. He groans and you feel your pussy pulse.

“You always do a good job.” Spencer murmurs.

You’re turned around so you can face him, and you wish you could take a picture to savor the look on his face. He’s beet red, cheeks and ears flushed a beautiful hue that leaves a twinge of pride pooling in your stomach.

He cups your face, drawing you in for a long awaited kiss. 

You sigh into him, hands twisting at the sleeves of his cardigan to pull him closer. He lets you in exchange of pushing you against the counter until your lower back is digging uncomfortably into the marble.

“Where do you wanna go?” He finally breathes. You stare at him as if you were in a daze before processing his question with a blink. “Couch?” You ask. “Whatever you want.” He says before joining your lips together once more.

He walks the both of you backwards slowly, and he takes advantage of when your mouth parts in a moan as he flicks his tongue against the top of your lip. He tastes like toothpaste and you might be a little crazy to think that it makes him way sexier than it should.

Your eyes flutter open and you push him away with hands on his chest gently.

“Do you trust me?” You gasp.

“Of course.”

“Good.” You say with a smirk.

You make sure he’s close enough to the edge of the couch when you push him on it, quickly clambering onto his lap and settling your hands on his shoulders; his fall naturally to your waist and you grin.

“Hi.” You whisper quietly. “Hey.” He responds back just as hushed. “You can grab my ass, you know.” You tease and his eyes widen just slightly. “I…” You guide his palms to hold the meat of your ass and he grips.

“God.” It tumbles from his lips in a whimper and you fucking melt. 

“Sorry I’ve been such a tease today, Spencie.” You say sweetly with a fake pout. “I just needed you so bad and you’ve been so, so sweet to me, my sweet boy. I didn’t want to ruin it by asking you to fuck me stupid.”

“You wouldn’t have ruined it.” He corrects with a whine. You had begun to grind down on him and he gripped you tightly, helping you rut against him. “No?” You question. He shakes his head quickly, his hair bouncing along with the swings.

“No. ‘Would’ve done anything you asked.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.”

“So, if I asked you to let me suck your dick until I’ve sucked the soul out of you, would you have let me? How about if I asked you to eat my pussy for breakfast, huh? Would you have done it?”

“Yes, yes, God yes! I want to… I wanna do all those things so badly.” He groans, all but pawing at you now. 

“I bet you do,” You coo. “I guess I haven’t been the only one pent up. But that’s okay, because I’ve got you, yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

You smile, leaning in to give him a kiss before traveling downwards to his belt and wrangling it open. You popped open the buttons of his jeans, sliding back so you can tug them down his legs. 

“Up.” You command softly and he obliges. 

You’re faced with his hardened cock bulging from under his black underwear.

“Oh… is this for me?” You know you’re being mean when you drag your fingertips over the spot where precum has begun to pool, only putting slight pressure on it just to hear that sweet sound of his breath hitching.

“Yes – it’s all for you.” Spencer whines and throws his head back against the couch. “All for me? My goodness…” You trail off as you drag his underwear down his thighs. His cock springs up and bobbles against his clothed stomach.

“Can I –” He licks his lips, “Can I take my shirt off?”

“Of course, my love.” You were just about to ask him anyway.

As he rids himself of his top you get up for a split second to take his pants and underwear off fully. As you go to undress yourself, he stops you.

“W— wait… keep it on please.” 

“Oh? You wanna be nasty and pull my panties to the side, huh? Dirty dirty boy.” You tisk, but in reality you feel like you’re about to explode. “Is that okay?” You smile at his question. “More than okay.”

You climb back on top of him, doing exactly what you said and pulling the white satin to the side before gripping his dick, lining it up to your entrance. He holds you steady looking up at you with those big brown puppy dog eyes as you sink down.

The stretch stings because of the lack of foreplay, but you can’t find it within yourself to care as the pain shoots up your lower back and is already fraying at your pleasure filled nerves. 

“So… so good. God.” Spencer chokes. 

Your lips are rolled between your teeth, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. You heave out a breath when he sinks down to the hilt, and he just rubs soothing circles on your hips. The feeling helps to guide you as you loosen up, and when you do, you give him an experimental clench.

He groans of course and you smirk lazily.

“‘Gonna ride you now, ‘kay?” You murmur as you lift your hips up before slamming down. Spencer practically shouts when he re-enters you. “Fuck, fuck, fuck…” He’s a whimpering, cursing mess. “That feels good, baby?” You ask as you bounce. Spencer nods and fondness twists in your chest.

“You’re so tight. I think ‘m gonna pass out.” He says dramatically. You laugh, grabbing his hands and slipping them under your bra so they can cover your breasts. “Well, don’t pass out until we’ve cum, alright?”

He gives your breasts a reassuring squeeze. “Of course.” He huffs and you giggle again. The giggles die out though when you shift and his tip prods just right.

“Oh shit.” You curse but remain in the same place.

You ride him in abandon, the sound of skin meeting skin radiating out into the early morning air of the apartment. The sound is nasty and wet and it causes your head to swim. The buzz of mind numbing pleasure swims around in your gut, and you can almost grasp it.

“Spence I – I need more, can you…?” You moan out, your head tilting back. “Yeah, yeah, I got you, sweetheart.”

One hand leaves to rub furiously at your clit and your hips cant forward, sending you landing on his naked, sweat slicked chest. Your thighs burn and you rest for a moment, but Spencer doesn’t seem to match the same sentiment, because the other hand holds you by your hip in a grip that’s almost bruising. 

The fat is spilling through his fingers but he uses it as leverage as he now fucks up into you. You squeal, throwing your arms around his neck and tucking his face into yours. You mark him mindlessly, body trembling as you near your orgasm.

You can feel him twitch inside of you when he sets a pace, bringing you up and down in a way that indicates he’s nearing an end of his own.

“Together, okay?” You cry out, “‘Wanna cum together.”

“Okay, honey, okay.” 

He sets his feet on the floor and rubs harder at your sensitive bud, and the arousal that implodes inside of you is so blinding that you white out for a minute. Every one of your senses are overwhelmed, and you can hear him mewling into your ear before warmth paints your womb.

It’s silent in the apartment for a moment before you speak.

“I have to tell you a secret.” You whisper mindlessly, laying your cheek on a bony shoulder. “And what’s that?” He runs his fingers up and down your spine.

“This set is new.”

“I know honey, I saw the charge on my card.”

“What?!” You exclaim, pulling away from his body to search his hazy eyes with your wide ones.

“You forget I can see the bank statements.” Spencer says with a smile. “No, no. I – I didn’t mean to use your card.”

“You didn’t have to… I may have uh… may have slipped one into your wallet when you weren’t looking.” He admits sheepishly. You stare at a moment and then smile incredulously. “Did you… secretly sugar daddy me?”

“Oh God, please don’t call it that.” He says with a groan, leaning forward to bury his face in your chest.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever sugar daddy.” You tease, running your fingers through his sweaty locks.

ೃ⁀➷ my lovely taglist!: @alina02 @louderfortheback @minervadashwood @their-love @fandomsarelifee @theendofthe70s @nomajdetective @mgg-theprettiestboy @phoenixblack89 @celtic-crossbow @hallecarey1 @bunnybabe-babydoll @dixonzzgirl @violettavirus @khxna

[copperbadge]

This is not to sniff at packaged food in any way, because cheap, uniform, nutritious, premade food is important and necessary. And despite what your local tiktok orthorexic may tell you, packaged food is still capable of providing solid nutrition.

That said, I've been making my own bread for about twenty years, and for the last ten or so it has often been easier to make bread than buy it, solely because I don't need to leave the house to do so, and I live alone so a decent loaf can last me a good ten days. Being able to make ones own bread in this modern era is a product of privilege -- the resources to buy the ingredients (especially high quality flour, not cheap), the time and space to bake, the stamina to knead or equipment to make kneading easier -- my breads improved a lot when I got a good stand mixer, and those aren't cheap. But also, to make a decent edible boule you can get by with flour, water, yeast, salt, and time. Throw in a little oil and you can make pizza crust; add in kneading and a bit of sugar and you have bagels.

It did somewhat change how I eat, because homemade bread is often a little difficult to make a sandwich with, but I was never a huge fan of sandos anyway. These days I often don't even make loaves -- I make rolls or bagels, or flatbreads.

But all of this is to say that because I'm now accustomed to eating my own bread, which is necessarily small-batch and produced without stabilizers that make commercial bread so soft and uniform, I am starting to struggle when I do buy bread because the flavor and texture often feel off. It's not that it's objectively bad food, but it's very different from what I'm used to, which is unpleasant. I've been aware of the issue for a while but previously even if the bread wasn't as good to me as my own, it was edible and convenient, so it was fine. Making your own hot dog buns is a pain in the ass.

I just bought a loaf of Italian bread, reasonably fresh, a brand I used to eat regularly, because I wasn't feeling up to baking anything. I've been making toast with it mostly. But yesterday morning -- admittedly while dealing with some nausea -- I bit into a sandwich I'd made with it (cashew butter and strawberry jam) and thought, "this feels like eating upholstery fabric."

I haven't been able to eat any more of it since. The soft, dense texture, the specific preservative flavor, the mouthfeel. I tried to eat some toast just now and had to spit it out because it felt like buttered brocade and I started to gag. I'm kind of mad about it, honestly.

The bread won't go to waste -- if I can't eat the rest of the bag I'll dry it out and crush it for breadcrumbs for fried chicken or a panade -- but it's both sad and funny that I have functionally baked myself into a corner where packaged bread is no longer even an option.

It feels like I'm becoming one of the middle-aged eccentrics I used to know when I was a kid -- older people or couples in my church, sometimes parents of my school friends, who were just kind of oddballs, hippie leftovers, what I still think of as Berkeley Weirdos (affectionate) even though Berkeley has long since gentrified. The lady who didn't have a functional oven or stove because she ate raw vegan or the family that converted their old station wagon to biofuel but kept the rear-facing back seats with no seatbelts and would give us death-defying rides to the community pool in them. I'm already growing my own basil because I eat an unlikely amount of pesto for one person. My signature potluck dishes are kiwi dip or egg-free meringues.

I don't mind, exactly. I loved the Berkeley Weirdos and the community they built for us kids. But it's definitely not a place I imagined ending up.

[heartmaddie]

parfum d'étoiles | k.akaashi

introductions; hysteric glamouristas

⋆｡°✩ yn ln

she's face of the #ihatemybf movement , she's been dating suna since the first semester of her first year after the mess which was her high school love life (she thinks he's attractive and stuff but is off put by his personality - he's wannabe opium - but he's good enough for now) . yn's roommate/best friend is shimizu, and they got along as soon as they met each other, eventually leading to meet oikawa, kageyama and sakusa while they were thrifting in harajuku. yn liked sakusa's clothes and they became best friends as well. she likes artists such as fiona apple , mazzy star and faye webster but also takes a lot of inspiration from sunarin , which is why she loves playboi carti as well...

⋆｡°✩ shimizu kiyoko

she's a depop reseller but tries her hardest not to scam people... even though she totally can... she's quite popular around utokyo where she does her textiles and design course, but most of her followers are because she posts really good archival clothing on twitter before depop. her favourite things are parfait and textured fabrics, and she loves altering people's clothes - especially yn who always needs her jeans length changed.. her and sakusa are the only ones in hysteric glamouristas who are kind of normal and she hates suna as well, but thinks that yn shouldn't be leading him on like this. one time kiyoko was in shibuya and was interviewed by tokyo.sims and everyone thirsted over her in the comments.

⋆｡°✩ tooru oikawa

he posts thirst traps on tiktok so he's kind of popular at uni - but gets clowned on a bit.. people think he's attractive until they follow his twitter and realise he's a bit awkward and weird (think hamzah and martin awkward). he's a bit impulsive and annoying but ultimately means well for all of his friends. his favourite drink is cherry cola & he's still stuck in his brat summer even though it's chromakopia autumn.. he does like sunarin but that's simply because he buys him shots whenever they go out as a group - but he doesn't know it's because suna's amused by him. he's quite a central part of the group and it would be hella dry if it wasn't for him - yn and tooru bounce off each other quite well.

⋆｡°✩ kiyoomi sakusa

he's a fashion archive baddie and suna thinks that he's actually god but kiyoomi hates him. he got really popular because he used to post fit checked but then deleted them + made a new account. a lot of his followers r women 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ he's kiyoko's n1 fan and always buys from her depop. kiyoomi really enjoys thrifting but absolutely hates the smell of the clothes afterwards - he washes them at least 3 times before wearing them. his favourite drink is water with a slice of lemon in it because fizzy drinks upset his stomach and he hates the taste of artificial flavouring. he likes brands such as vivienne westwood, chrome hearts, hysteric glamour but also gets a lot of his clothes personally tailored for him. a big fan of tom ford and gentle monsters.

⋆｡°✩ tobio kageyama

tobio is the only one in the groupchat who dgaf about what he's wearing, he will pull up to the function in a pair of sweatpants and a grey jumper but miwa forced him to buy some nicer clothes which he prefers to wear out now.... he wears tighter shirts because he likes how his arms look in them 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️. he's the youngest in the group but after sakusa he's the most mature - doesn't do dumb shit like kiyoko, yn and oikawa does. sometimes he wears graphic shirts. he really likes going shopping with yn because he doesn't need to talk because she'll do all of it anyways. but him and yn are pretty tight, he's a good listener even if his advice isn't up to par.

please consider liking , reblogging or following if you enjoyed send an ask or reply to the masterlist if you'd like to be on the taglist :p

taglist : @akaashislovee

©heartmaddie all rights reserved. please do not repost my work.

[teslasucks37]

CW: NSFW under the cut (MDNI), Jerkin it (imaginings of sex), afab!reader (they/them pronouns and referral to them being Non-Binary), alcohol usage, Streamer!Reader, OnlyFans!Reader, Dom!Charlie I suppose, Lengthy descriptions of edits based on real edits I’ve watched 100 times, Cringy use of a song in a fanfic with the lyrics actually typed out but to be cringe is to be free, Named!Reader (Functions more like a Charlie x OC but oh well), Desperate!Charlie, Horny!Charlie, DownBad!Charlie, Despite his horny I made him pretty chill cause he’s definitely chiller irl than his normal online persona

A/N: Part 1/2! This is the fic that began my obsession with the Slimer so to see it partially completed fills me with joy. Also the formatting for the texting lines may be fucked up on desktop cause I made this in Wattpad and I’m posting it on mobile. This is around like 7k words… I think the next one will be shorter hopefully…

Charlie Slimecicle x Reader

Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah) 1/2

Charlie loved his life. Making art and hanging out with his friends was all he could ever ask for. Going out on weekends, planning events, participating in projects, everything was perfect. The single life was treating him well. Of course, that didn't mean he wasn't interested in romance anymore, it just hadn't come up much, nor was he actively searching for anything. He wasn’t one to go searching for something like that.

So when Moonzy and Ranboo had sent him a link to an ongoing stream of someone he'd never seen before, he was intrigued to say the least.

—————————————————————————

The Squad ☝️🤓

Ran

@Char dude someone's about to thirst over u on stream 😏

Char

Huh?

Who?

Ran

https://www.twitch.tv/dannyphantom

They're doing a try not to blush challenge and their chat keeps threatening to send in edits of u

Moonz

Omg Danny!

I know them!

We met at a creator thing one time

They're so kind and really funny

—————————————————————————

Charlie stared at the link, his curiosity taking over and causing him to press it. He wasn't disappointed. A freckled feminine face framed with a pastel strawberry-blonde wolf cut and light brown eyes filled the screen. They wore chunky purple skull earrings, a dark red lip, and eyeliner that enhanced their natural eyes so well that he almost felt himself staring.

"Now, sexualizing real people is bad, chat. However, he has not said anything about explicitly disliking it, so I think as long as we're not too horned up on main, it's fine." They prefaced, spreading their arms wide as if to gloat. "So give me your best shot. I still have all three lives."

Charlie glanced at the viewers, noticing they had quite a few, not that it mattered to him much, he was just curious.

They were screen sharing their phone to the stream, opening TikToks that their mods were sending them.

The first one popped up, an old music stream on Ranboo's channel. "The magic of music is that- oh, you're so wet." Charlie's face in the video contorted into a cringe after speaking, before the edit swapped between different parts of the stream.

Danny was wide eyed with a dropped jaw as it finished. They glanced at the camera, before muttering. "Surely not." Replaying it, the shocked look on their face turned to a light grin, before bursting out into a laugh. "You can see the instant regret on his face after saying it too." The swapping of scenes replayed and Danny paused it after the last one. "Is this who you guys were talking about? I'm sorry Slimecicle I was unaware of your game."

Charlie grinned at the apology, watching as they opened another one, covering his mouth with his hand in slight embarrassment as they opened the one where he'd gone skiing with friends.

"I got two feelings, slow and fast. And there's one I like more than the other." The edit swapped to slowed images of him smiling in the gondola, where he'd been told that he looked like a model. The memory made him grin.

Danny leaned into the mic. "Which one tho?" They chuckle as the chat goes crazy, before they clear their throat and lick their dark lips, motioning to their mouth. "I can feel myself salivating as I watch these."

Charlie grinned harder at that, finding it funny that he was affecting them that much.

The next edit was just a recording of him dancing at a club he'd posted on his instagram story. "Aw this one's cute. That's such a vibe. And what a fit."

Charlie bit the inside of his cheek, hearing their approval of his outfit.

"Actually I think going out with him to a club would fix me. Or maybe just going to a club in general." They joked, before moving on.

They opened another, this one from his animal Olympics stream. "Chat, do you have any tips? Do you have any tips at all? I've got a tip..."

"Proof?" Danny leans into the camera, before laughing off the joke. "He must know. There's no way he can't." They rambled about the innuendo.

Charlie snorts, his lips thinning in an attempt to keep his smile contained.

The chat begins going crazy again, spamming to watch what happened after. Danny reads closer, before shouting. "HE SMIRKS AFTER THAT?" They open the next edit frantically, practically the same as the other one, except it shows a small smirk after him speaking. Looking up at the camera dramatically, eyes wide and jaw open once again, they whisper. "So you're a slut."

Charlie snickers, covering his mouth again almost as a way to hide a blush that he feels creeping up his neck.

They open another, this one being filmed during the QSMP awards. Charlie leaned down and licked at the cake on the table with just his mouth in slow motion, before swapping to portions of him speaking and of his mouth covered in cake. His lips and tongue grazed over the treat sensually, possibly imitating what he would look like when eating something else.

Danny's hand jumped up to cover their mouth, saying nothing as the edit ran once, before they had to pause it, slamming their phone down on the desk. Their hands covered their face, before a squeal emitted from behind them. They removed their hands, their face flushed and pink. "Okay chat, you got me... Fuck..." They mumble, picking up their phone again.

Charlie's brows furrowed in thought, almost not believing that his visage could affect someone as gorgeous as them, and considering that Moonzy knew them, it was likely that streaming was the most family friendly portion of their life on the internet.

"DUDE MOVE PLEASE!" Danny replayed the edit, shouting desperately at Quackity, who was in the way of Charlie's mouth for a portion of the clip. "His jaw movements? Fuck." They exclaimed, before pausing the edit on the image of his face covered in cake, his eyes sleepy and satisfied, absolutely fucked out. "That's what I look like after I'm done eating pussy. I wonder what..." They pause, turning to their camera. "Actually, I can't say that." They grin guiltily as chat goes crazy, absolutely catching them lacking.

Charlie pushed his hair back with a hand, suddenly feeling aware of how he looked, even though he was very much alone.

Danny opened the next one where he had been playing a horror game, listening to the story where a character states that their dog could be "one noisy little girl sometimes."

Charlie felt a heat creep up his face as he was very aware what it was about to say.

"R- Really?" Edit Charlie chuckled, stuttering slightly. "I love noisy, noisy girls..."

Danny screamed, before taking a deep breath. "God. One night with him would actually fix me I think."

Charlie nearly choked on his spit at their words, caught completely off guard. It certainly wasn't that he found them unattractive or anything, he was just surprised at their boldness. But he supposed he probably shouldn't be, considering what they were doing for entertainment on their stream.

The next edit was one he hadn't expected, his Duolingo advertisement where he'd drank multiple mysterious liquids. The edit switched between clips, before one specific one caught Danny's eye.

"OH MY GOD! WHAT?" They paused the edit where it was, turning to face the camera. "Chat, something is pulsing. FUCK!" Their face was actively turning red as they processed what they'd just said and analyzed the image.

Charlie licked his lip at the confession, having a mere fleeting thought of what that pulsing would feel like. He shook his head, waving the thought away guiltily as he took in the reason for their words.

He had been pouring the purple drink into his mouth, lines of the liquid streaming down his throat and catching on the collar of his white tshirt. "You can literally see the veins in his neck." Their hand covered their mouth in embarrassment, turning to the chat to berate them. "Yes, I know that's another one. Fuck..."

Others in chat encouraged each other to send more Slimecicle edits, as they had seemed to be working.

With a worried sigh, they opened up another. This one showed Charlie with shorter hair in an episode of Just Roll With It, in eyeliner and a foam bat, or as everyone had called him during that video, Villian. He held the bat out, throwing it over his shoulder and the clips jumped between him grinning evilly with dark eyes.

They grinned, singing along to the song. "P is for pussy, p, u ,s, s, y." The edit finished and they turned to their camera without a second thought. "He can see my p u s- NOPE CAN'T SAY THAT." They tightened their lips, attempting to hide their laughter.

Charlie was fully blushing now, his teeth nipping at his lip absentmindedly.

They opened another, this one an amalgamation of images from him in a suit, to him in swim trunks sitting on a rock, to him in a tank top. It then switched to clips on him from a stream he couldn't remember, one of which was him pushing his thumb against his lip in absent thought.

They stayed silent, rewatching it, then swallowing thickly. Turning to the camera, they spoke plainly. "Sheet gripping, toe curling, back arching-" Danny bursted out into laughter, shaking their head and fanning themself to keep their face a neutral shade, albeit, a struggle. "I can't even get through that bit. I am so sorry." They grinned, moving to open another one.

The edit was a black screen, with captions across the screen of one of Charlie's immersive horror videos. "Okay, good girl. Ah, I know. I know, baby."

Charlie's own words played back at him made him pinch the bridge of his nose in embarrassment.

They replayed it with a slack jaw. "Oh it's massive..." Danny mumbled with wide eyes, the chat going crazy and spamming emojis. "He definitely talks you through it..." They say, almost absentmindedly.

Charlie's pants suddenly tightened, something waking up at the mention of itself. He shifted in his seat, trying to get comfortable again with the uninvited guest, but Danny's words rang in his head. Massive... Talking through it...

He couldn't believe he was hard just because of their phrasing. But maybe it wasn't just that.

They suddenly turned to the camera, their blush showing through as they processed their words. "I said that out loud." Slamming their hands into their face to cover it, they let out a squeal. "Dammit." They sigh, moving their hands and addressing the camera. "Well, I guess that's the end of the stream. I think I need to be put down."

Charlie closed out of the stream, chuckling to himself, before checking Twitter.

—————————————————————————

Danny @dannyphantom

Today we learned on stream that I am actually incapable of being chill

Most relevant replies ^

Danny @dannyphantom

Wtf do u meant he was watching 😟

—————————————————————————

Charlie grinned, liking their tweet reply. Little did he know, that one action would take his life to whole new heights.

—————————————————————————

The Squad ☝️🤓

Char

How old is Danny?

Moonz

They're 23 I think

Ran

Wait why? 😏

Char

No reason

Moonz

Should we invite them to our thing this weekend 😁

Ran

Omg yes absolutely

What do you think Charlie? 😏

Char

Sure

Moonz

Kk I'll message them <3

—————————————————————————

Knowing that Charlie was coming was eating them alive.

They were nervous to say the least.

The man that they had been caught thirsting over live on stream would be right next to them any minute.

The embarrassment they felt seeing that Charlie had, in fact, been watching during that small section near the end made them flush at the thought. Absolutely mortifying.

Ranboo was sat next to them in front of the vanity in Moonzy's room applying their makeup. They must have felt Danny's nervousness from beside them. "Are you excited to meet Charlie?"

Danny applied their highlighter onto their nose, scrunching it at the question in response. "Yeah, I guess." They downplayed their feelings. "I just don't want it to be awkward or uncomfortable for him."

Ranboo chuckled, shaking their head. "Don't worry, Charlie's really chill. I guarantee he wouldn't come if he was uncomfortable."

They nod silently, closing their highlighter pallet and uncapping their lipstick. That made them feel a little better. Danny tried not to flinch as the doorbell rang, finishing the application and recapping their lipstick.

"Charlie's here!" Moonzy cheered from the kitchen, fixing up the pregame drinks for them, racing to the front door.

Danny stood up with Ranboo to greet him, making sure their makeup was completely ready and everything was in place before seeing him.

Charlie smiled and greeted Moonzy, dropping his bag around the corner as he closed the door behind him.

"It's the sludge man!" Ranboo called out to him from another room, walking toward him with someone lingering in the doorway behind them.

Charlie's body froze, seeing the face of the person he'd binge watched over the span of a few days standing in the doorway in front of him.

His eyes raked down their body, gulping dryly.

Danny wore a light purple cocktail dress, sparkling and covered in mesh that hung just slightly longer at the hem than the base fabric beneath it. The dress was tight and the straps were thin, pressing lightly into the soft skin of their shoulders. It had a slight gathering of fabric in the chest area, making their tits look perky and supple.

The jewelry that decorated their neck and wrists and fingers was silver and beautiful. Their nails were painted black, just like his. That fact made his face feel hot for just a moment.

Their shoes were these light purple velvety platform heels, adorned with silvery chains and charms. He chewed the inside of his cheek, wondering how they could even walk in those. The heel was at least four inches, but it was also wide and blocky, probably making it easier for them.

He glanced back up at their face, spotting their glossy dark berry colored lips pulled slightly into their mouth with their teeth. Their face was powdered and blushed and preened. Glitter and stars and purple dusted their eyes, a dark purple wing elongating them beautifully.

He didn't think they could get anymore pretty.

Oh how wrong he was.

It took Ranboo slapping his shoulder in greeting to shake him from his staring. They were saying something that he didn't hear as they ushered him into the kitchen while Moonzy dipped into the room behind Danny and grabbed a makeup bag before grabbing their hand and pulling them into the kitchen as well.

The four shot glasses lined up on the counter, next to four empty chaser cups, made them grin.

Moonzy handed their makeup bag to Danny before moving to the drinks. "Can you do Charlie's makeup while Ran and I get your drinks ready?"

They nodded and sat at the table, turning to Charlie with an anxious smile.

He returned it with an awkward smile of his own and sat next to them, turning to face them.

Despite their best efforts to hide it, Danny was staring at Charlie just as hard as he had been earlier.

His blue-rimmed glasses were snug on his face, bringing out the blue in his eyes.

His hair was fluffed up, almost long enough to be a mullet, styled up at the ends in slight curls.

Jewelry embellished his fingers and neck, matching the simple stud earrings they hadn't noticed until that moment.

The shirt he wore was a dark green tank top, tight and sculpting to his form, covered by a black mesh tshirt that showed off his large biceps and vascular forearms.

He wore black jeans, cuffed and held up with a studded belt that cinched his waist.

His shoes were those same cute black converse that'd they'd seen him wear in so many videos. At least the amount of videos they were able to watch in a few days.

Danny carefully grabbed his glasses, setting them on the counter next to them. "So, how does it feel being the only binary one here?" They joked in an attempt to break the tension, opening up the bag and sifting through what was in it.

Charlie chuckled to himself. "Just don't spill any water on me, I might short circuit. You know, with being binary and all."

They thinned their lips at the pun to hold back a smile, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of a laugh.

"Not my best work." He shrugged with a pained smile. "I'll think of something better later."

Danny let their smile shine through, nodding in agreement.

"What do you guys want to drink?" Moonzy asked, pulling out different bottles of alcohol out of a cabinet while Ranboo grabbed a few bottles of juice.

"Vodka if you have it?" Danny grinned at the two of them.

"Pink Whitney okay?"

"Ugh..." Charlie cringed at the mention of the drink.

Danny gasped sarcastically. "You don't like Pink Whitney?"

He shook his head with a smile. "It tastes like a mix of rubbing alcohol and red 40."

They just shrugged, watching Moonzy pour a shot and slide it over to them before gulping it down with a grin. "More chemicals for me, then."

"Here, Char." Moonzy poured a shot of Bacardi for him and slid it over, then turned to Ranboo to fix them all another drink.

"Char?" Danny leaned in, giggling lightly at the nickname. It was cute, just like him.

He held back an embarrassed smile as he swallowed the shot, clearing his throat after.

They rummaged through "What do you want for makeup?"

He simply pursed his lips and shrugged. "Whatever you want."

Danny raised their brows, glancing at the two other people in the room who had similarly done up faces. "You sure?"

Charlie simply nodded, closing his eyes and submitting his face to you.

Danny grinned, hesitantly grabbing his chin with their fingers.

Charlie's heart leaped into his throat at their touch, knowing he couldn't open his eyes or he would blush at their closeness.

Danny applied eyeliner carefully, swiping across his lids with precision and care. "Do you want a wing?" They asked gently, swiping across his other eyelid.

He just shrugged.

They grinned, putting a small wing on each side.

Moonzy and Ranboo shared a look, before cheers-ing their pre-made glasses and drinking their shots with smug grins.

They all downed more shots, tipsy by the time the Uber showed up to the apartment. The ride was cramped and hazy, but before long the four of them were at their destination.

The club was packed, lights strobing across the ceiling in time with the music.

Danny immediately ran in, already pretty drunk, jumping and dancing and singing along to the music, a classic pop song from the early 2000s.

Charlie shoved through the crowd of people to reach them, the other two following behind him.

"This is so fun!" Danny shouted over the music to Charlie, a wild grin on their face.

Charlie chuckled and leaned closer, his mouth coming closer to their ear so he could shout back audibly. "What?"

They just shook their head with a laugh. "Never mind!"

Moonzy crashed into them, grabbing Danny's hands as the two of them jumped to the music.

Ranboo followed close behind, placing an arm around Charlie.

"They're so fucked." He chuckled, before watching Ranboo pull out a flask from their jacket.

"Doesn't mean we can't get more fucked!" They shouted from behind their mask, handing the flask to Charlie.

He smiled, taking a gulp, before cringing lightly and handing it back. "Is that just vodka?"

Ranboo nodded, lifting up their mask just enough to get to their bottom lip and took a sip as well.

Charlie's eyes drifted to the other two, dancing and whipping their hair around carelessly. He unconsciously thinned his lips in a small smile.

"So, how was meeting your internet crush?" Ranboo asked, causing Charlie's head to snap to them.

"What?" He asked incredulously, a flush coming over his face. "They're not... I don't..." Charlie couldn't seem to find the words in his buzz.

Did he?

"Uh huh, sure..." Ranboo grinned, taking another gulp of their flask. "They were worried that you might be uncomfortable. Cause of the stream."

Charlie turned to Ranboo, who was fully letting the alcohol guide their conversation. "Well... I'm not."

"You should probably act like it then." They joked with a smile, taking another swig and recapping it.

"They're just... It's hard to talk to them. They're so..." Charlie found himself at a loss for words again, glancing at Danny who was swaying their hips to the music. A thought flashed through his mind about what it would be like to be behind them as they ground their ass against his hips. "You know?"

Ranboo scoffed, grabbing Charlie's hand and dragging them over to the other two dancing.

"Charlie!" Danny cheered in a tipsy stupor at his presence, lifting their arms in excitement before wrapping both around his arm.

He grinned, trying not to let his face get red at the press of their half exposed tits around his bicep.

The four of them danced and drank and laughed the night away.

It was about 1 am when they all stumbled into a fairly packed bar, a karaoke bar specifically.

A long couch wrapped around the front of the stage and they practically fell into it.

"Ooh karaoke!" Danny shouted, climbing onto the stage and picking out a song.

Charlie chuckled between Ranboo and Moonzy as they all watched Danny dance to the introduction of the music. The harsh guitar riffs and drum beat echoed through the bar. He'd remembered this song while Ranboo and him had done a pole dancing lesson, enough to recognize it until the lyrics came on screen and they began to sing, surprisingly well for how inebriated they all were.

"We've been here to long, tryna get along, pretending that you're oh so shy~" They leaned into the wireless microphone, taking it off the stand and walking slowly toward the crowd, feeling the music. "I'm a natural man, doing all I can, my temperature is running high~" They swiped a hand down their hips, swiveling to the beat.

Moonzy cheered, the alcohol clearly showing in their volume.

"Cry at night, no one in sight, and we got so much to share~" Danny's hand slid up their waist with the lyrics, and Charlie could have sworn they locked eyes with him for just a moment. "Talkings fine, if you got the time, but I ain't got the time to spare, yeah~"

Apparently the rest of the bar was enjoying the song as much as him, due to their loud cheering at the chorus.

"Do you wanna touch? Do you wanna touch? Do you wanna touch me there? Where?"

The bar shouted out "yeah"s in sync with the music.

"Do you wanna touch? Do you wanna touch? Do you wanna touch me there? Where? There? Yeah~" Danny began to clap, encouraging the rest of the bar to clap along with them.

"Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah~" Of course they did, but not because of their love for the song like Danny, most likely because there was a beautiful person singing for them about sex. Not that Charlie didn't also think they were beautiful, so he sung along too. "Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah~"

They must have seen him singing along, because as the song continued, Danny stalked toward the front of the stage where the other three in the group were sitting. Danny bent over the three of them, unaware of the massive amounts of cleavage they were revealing to everyone. "Every girl and boy, needs a little joy, all you do is sit and stare." They seemed to be looking right at him, Danny's pretty brown blown-out pupils practically raking down his body. And suddenly Danny got down on their knees in front of them, running a hand up their body. "Begging on my knees, baby won't you please, run your fingers through my hair~" They did just that for him, threading their own fingers through their hair before shaking it out.

Anyone could have easily mixed what they were doing as just enjoying the song, but Charlie's brain thought for just a second they were calling out to him, begging him to touch them, but a tightness in his pants brought him out of that thought. He looked up to them, but they turned to Moonzy, completely unbothered. Was he just imagining it?

"My my my, whiskey and rye, don't it make you feel so fine?" They sang, holding a hand out to Moonzy. They obviously took it, being hauled up onto the stage. "Right or wrong, don't it turn you on, can't you see we're waiting time? Yeah~"

They sang the chorus, the rest of the bar shouting out their "yeah"s.

"Do you wanna touch? Do you wanna touch? Do you wanna touch me there? Where?" Danny spun around, back facing Moonzy as they felt them grab their hips. Danny grinned, bending over slightly against them as the bar erupted into cheers. "Do you wanna touch? Do you wanna touch? Do you wanna touch me there? Where? There? Yeah~"

Charlie glanced over at Ranboo, who was recording the whole thing with a hand over their mask to hide the noises of their drunken laughter, before returning his attention to Danny as they swung their hips back into Moonzy. He almost felt a hint of something in his chest, frustration, jealously? He ignored it and sang and clapped with the rest of the bar. "Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah~"

"Do ya? Do ya?" Danny let the tone of that lyric inflict up, singing almost like a moan, making Charlie shift in his seat.

"Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah~"

Their hands slid down their thighs, past the hem of their dress, and back up again. "Do ya? Do ya?" A grin fell upon their lips, almost as if they knew exactly what they were doing, before slipping into the bridge of the song. The chorus of the rest of the bar's singing and clapping continued. "Do you wanna touch, do you wanna touch me there? Do you wanna touch, do you wanna touch me there? Yeah~ My my my, do you wanna touch me there?" They stood up with Moonzy, dancing around together for the rest of the bridge, head banging and laughing and smiling.

Charlie felt the fondness that had been growing into something bigger, that he simply couldn't fight anymore. Seeing how carefree they were, maybe due to the alcohol, but also just in general, made him want to be more like them. They inspired him to want to live, have fun, take risks.

"Touch me there, you know where, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah~" Finally, they joined with the rest of the bar in singing and clapping for the final lyric. "Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah~" The song ended in a slide out of the guitar. Danny practically dropped the mic, lifting their arms up and shouting in exhilaration. "Woo!"

The bar erupted in applause, older men hooting and hollering and whistling.

Moonzy placed their arm around Danny and walked back down to the couch together, practically collapsing onto it. They giggle, the alcohol finally beginning to slow its effects. Danny was pressed between Moonzy and Charlie.

"You good?" Charlie whispered to Danny.

They nodded wordlessly, eyes closed and content.

He turned to Ranboo, who was snickering as they replayed the footage of the performance on their phone. "Could you take Moonzy and get all of us some water?"

They nodded, reaching behind all of them and tapping Moonzy on the shoulder, before standing up with them and walking toward the bar.

Danny pouted, leaning their head on Charlie's shoulder. "Where are they going? I miss them..."

He turned to them on his shoulder, a corner of his lip twitching up at the pout that they were giving him. "They're getting some water, they'll be back."

Suddenly a man came out from behind the couch, rounding the corner to stand in front of Danny, utterly too close for Charlie's liking.

They lifted their head, addressing the man standing in front of them. "Hiiii~"

The man grinned, a sickly sweet smile. "Hi, sweetheart. Just wanted to come over and see if I could buy you a drink."

"We're good." Charlie spoke for them in their inebriated state, as politely as he could manage. He could tell he was attempting to get them more drunk than they were, which was already a lot.

The man glanced at him for a moment, as if to size him up, before turning back to his original target. "What, is he your boyfriend or something?"

"Pfft..." Danny giggled, glancing at Charlie bashfully, who was not smiling. "Nooo?"

Charlie rolls his eyes. "Look, man, just fuck off." He snaps, harsher than even he meant to say.

The man lifts his hands in defense, backing off. "All yours, bro."

Charlie scrunched his nose in disgust at the way the man spoke about Danny, like they were something to be passed around. He glared at him as he walked away until he was out of sight, turning back to the one sitting next to him. "Are you okay?"

"Hmm?" They ask, as if they hadn't even seen what happened.

"Okay, we should probably go." He mumbled, glancing around for Ranboo and Moonzy, who were on the way back from the bar with four water cups.

When they had all gotten back to Moonzy and Ranboo's apartment via an Uber, the two owners had promptly fallen asleep in their respective rooms. Charlie practically heaved Danny into the apartment, leading them to the couch.

Danny frowns absentmindedly, falling into a sitting position against the cushions as Charlie takes a seat on the floor in front of them.

Glancing up, he notices their frown. "What's wrong?" He mumbles, attempting to stay quiet and let the other people in the apartment sleep.

Danny frowns deeper, reaching down futilely to unbuckle their heels. "Nothing..."

"It's obviously something if it's bothering you." Charlie takes over, gingerly cupping the back of their heel and unbuckling the first shoe.

They straightened up again, before leaning back further into the cushion. "I had too much to drink. And now you have to take care of me."

Charlie just pursed his lips, taking the first shoe off and moving to unbuckle the other. "I don't mind. As long as you had fun." He smiles to himself, before looking back up at Danny. Their eyes were trained on him as he slipped off their other heel.

Danny's eyes were heavy with sleep, drunkness, and maybe something else. "Did you have fun?" They asked softly, as if his answer was life or death. Like it really did matter to them what his response would be, like it was the only thing that mattered in the entire world.

Maybe it was just his own brain still buzzing from the alcohol, but he almost felt bashful at their question, like it was the first time all night he'd really felt observed by them, like how he'd shamelessly watched them all night. Like he was in the warm glow of a spotlight with butterflies in his stomach. He simply nodded, his hands folded in his lap.

Danny smiled, looking gorgeous above him, despite their disheveled hair and faded lipstick. Their hand lifted to cup his cheek, and Charlie felt himself almost melt into their touch, before their fingers pushed a stray piece of his hair behind his ear and then pulled away.

Charlie's neck nearly craned to chase their touch, but he refrained. His face felt suddenly softer, the feeling of their nails lightly trailing his skin for just a moment making his whole body radiate warmth.

"Good." Danny mumbled, kicking their feet up slowly onto the couch as Charlie took off his own shoes and attempted to regain his composure. They passed him the throw pillow near their feet and one of the blankets thrown over the back of the couch, before flattening the other throw pillow beneath their head. They pulled the other blanket to their chin as they watched Charlie set up his own makeshift bed. "I would feel bad... If it was awkward for you."

"Why would it be awkward?" He asked without thinking, before remembering.

"Because of the stream I did."

Charlie paused his movements in thought, before shaking his head and continuing. "I didn't mind, really. I thought it was..." He paused again, his breath bated and shy. "I thought you were cute..."

His heart pumped fast at the confession.

He couldn't believe he'd just said that.

But there was no response.

His mind went wild with the worst thoughts.

Did they think he was creepy? Did he go too far? He shouldn't have said anything.

Charlie turned to apologize and correct himself, but when he turned he saw Danny passed out on the couch.

Their mouth was open, a bit of drool beginning to form at the corner. Steady breaths inhaled, before light snores exhaled. They looked adorable.

Charlie bit back a smile at the sight.

Maybe they didn't hear.

Maybe his dignity was preserved.

He simply tucked himself in and followed into sleep.

But of course, cause god hates him, he couldn't stay asleep for long.

He was having a bit of a... Problem.

He stumbled to the bathroom, staring down in contempt at the bulge in his pants.

With a sigh, he leaned against the counter and took out his phone, simply waiting for it to go away.

He swiped on instagram, until an account popped up.

Danny.

Followed by Moonzy and Ranboo.

He smiled lightly, clicking the follow button.

Scrolling through their posts helped him feel better, maybe not less hard, but better. They'd posted slice of life photos when they were out with friends, cosplays, streaming announcements in their highlights, and oh god...

They had Only Fans teasers.

That did not help his boner at all.

They weren't too explicit, just pictures of Danny in slightly revealing clothes.

One had them in a grey sweater like material that was practically a turtleneck dress with a large cut out in the middle exposing their upper abdomen and the very bottoms of the curves of their tits. He swiped on the photo, the next showing how the back was also cut out, leaving only the material that dipped teasingly low. The curvy globes of their ass were barely covered by the fabric.

Charlie's breath deepened as his hips involuntarily shifted to try and be more comfortable, but he could only be so comfortable in jeans. He decided to unbutton them with his free hand, sighing at the restrictions around his crotch being loosened.

He swiped to a different post, just out of curiosity, and maybe a little bit of hunger, courtesy of the head he wasn't thinking with at the moment.

They were now clad in a cow print turtleneck dress, another soft material that he involuntarily imagined the texture of beneath his hands. Thigh highs with the same cow print covered the skin just inches beneath the hem on the dress. The photo was complete with little cow ears and horns on a headband, their tongue sticking out in an aggressive manner, their nosed scrunched cutely. He swiped with reckless abandon, fully accepting that he was looking just to look. The back was similar to the other picture, with that same tantalizing drop of fabric to their rear. Their thighs were pressed together, the meat of them just barely obscuring what was between.

He wanted to see what was between so bad.

"Fuck..." Charlie sighed quietly, reaching a hand into his boxer briefs and pulling out what had been bothering him for practically the whole night.

His cock was hard, really hard, leaking pre-cum out the pink and swollen tip. The lack of stimulation was clear from how it twitched, practically fucking begging to be touched.

Charlie couldn't stop himself, it was like a reflex. He grabbed the head of his cock, swiping the precum down and around the head, followed by a small jolt of relief. Not at the kind of intensity he needed, but it was something.

He swiped to another picture. They donned a beautiful red dress, the fabric looking almost velvety. Rhinestones sprinkled the front and back, Danny's arms were crossed with their palms on their waist, pressing their tits together slightly, practically spilling out of the straps around the sides and the skinny triangles covering the peaks of both. Gold chains draped between the mounds and around their waist, adorning the skin peeking through the hip windows built into the dress.

They looked so fucking gorgeous.

Charlie's head fell back lightly as he stroked himself once, then again.

He just couldn't help himself.

How could he when they were right there?

He'd barely managed to restrain himself from jacking off to clips of Danny's stream over the past few days, watching them make themself flush and spout out all kinds of naughty things at just the sight of him.

Thoughts of their stream rushed through his clouded mind. How they'd jokingly asked for proof of his tip, how they said they were pulsing for him, stating that he was massive, especially when they guessed that he would talk them through it.

God, he wanted to talk them through it, whisper in their ear while he touched them. If they'd let him Charlie would drop to his knees and get them off in an instant.

His cock twitched at the thought. Stroking faster, he opened another photo, this one of Danny in a black dress, the fabric beginning at their neck, around their torso, then splitting at their hips and flowing down their front and back in two separate sheets. They wore two black leather garter belts, one on each thigh, studded and connected to smaller ones right below them. His eyes locked onto the strings of some kind of black thong seated just below where the dress split off. He swiped, his heartbeat accelerating as they sat with spread legs out for the camera, the front sheet of fabric barely covering the apex of their thighs. And even more, the strings of the panties were gone. Danny was completely bare beneath the dress.

The thought drove him wild.

What he would give to lift the fabric up and slide his cock in, making them cum over and over and over again on it.

Making them scream his name while they shook uncontrollably and kissed him and praised him.

Charlie felt a familiar tightness in his groin, but images wouldn't stop cycling through his head from tonight.

Danny in that perfect little dress, the way they looked at him when he helped take their shoes off, the way their hips swayed to the music in the club, the way they looked at him when they sang that fucking song. They were begging for him to touch them, touch their perfect body in front of all of those people, everyone who wanted them, but couldn't have them.

Cause Danny wanted him.

His eyes fluttered shut as his cock spurted ropes of hot cum all over his hand, coating it proficiently.

Charlie panted, thanking gravity that none of it got on the floor or his clothes.

There would be no way to explain that mess.

He stood, washing his hand off with a grimace, the thick stickiness not receding until two rounds of scrubbing with soap.

Then the post-nut clarity began to hit.

Jesus Christ why did he do that?

He couldn't fucking believe himself. That was such an invasion of privacy. He was just like those weird gooner incels online. Well, maybe not just like them. They could never appreciate Danny like he did.

It's not like he went on their Only Fans or something.

Charlie paused.

They were probably naked on their Only Fans. His face felt hot, causing him to turn off his phone immediately.

Absolutely not, that would be an actual invasion of privacy.

But if he did pay for the service...

No.

He shouldn't even be thinking about them like that. It was downright disrespectful.

Maybe he was still a little drunk.

Maybe he just needed to go back to sleep to take his mind off it all.

And so he stumbled back out of the bathroom.

But nothing made the burning in his cheeks go away.

[rienafoutremerde]

I made a psychological analysis of Jax from the amazing digital circus for those who might be interested

I already posted this shit on tiktok and reddit but since I have nothing better to do with my life I'll post it here as well

so I first broke down the surface level behaviors he exhibit and then I analyzed the pattern in them and then understand the function of his behaviors and which emotional needs they fulfilled in their own twisted way.

Jax surface (behaviors and persona)

Persona: condescending, cynical/sarcastic, unpredictable, confident (nearly theatral), laid back

What needs this persona seems to fulfill (based on his behaviors in the show we'll see later):

-Need to appear untouchable/need to be in control

-avoiding emotional closeness/be seen at his core (keeping people at arms lenght) 

-potentially giving him a sense of identity 

What does it says about him?

He seems to have:

-a fear of being powerless 

-a fear of vulnerability 

-potential disgust of his inner self

How can we see it in the show?

-Need of control:

A) his tendency to manipulate social interaction to make him appears superior (more grounded smarter or cooler) like in ep1 when zooble asked for help when taken away by gloinks and Jax refused to help saying they asked in a rude way (making himself appear detached and superior) later when about to climb the escalator he plays the gentleman with gangle to then change his mind and push her away and take her place (asserting dominance, takes note that he seems to show more sadistic tendencies toward gangle we'll see later why in his fear of vulnerability).

B) When hopeless Jax relay on unpredictability and chaos to maintain his dominance like in ep4 when role reversed and gangle took the power by being his manager at spudsy, when she tried to make him obey at first he threw ragatha out of nowhere in the deep fryer (fear of being powerless).

-fear of being vulnerable/be seen at his core

a) Jax was seen many times supressing his own emotions when they eventually catch to him he will quickly hide them back letting his "Persona" shield him or isolate. Example of that when he'll open the door of kaufmo's room in ep1 to find him abstracted his face will show terror for a second, however his persona went back and he appeared detached thanking kaufmo to have kept one of his object (probably just a way to distract) and run away (making him appear uncaring avoiding people to worry about him and try to get close to him/help him). Before kaufmo's funeral Jax looked sad for like a second again then his facial expression went back as detached and he went to isolate himself during the funeral.

b) At the beginning of ep4 activity Jax slightly fearing for his loss of control went to zooble asking if they were really going to do their job (here Jax was scared of being alone because of his inability to maintain his dominance in this environment but couldn't articulate it other than by manipulating trying to get zooble on his side)

c) As you might have noticed Jax tends to be a jerk with everyone but he seems to have a favorite victim showing way more sadism to her than anyone else: Gangle 

The actual reason he can't stand her and takes so much pleasure in her suffering might because she is what disgust him the most and what he tried to repress in himself she is vulnerable. His aversion of gangle is potentially just projection

d) during gangle's revenge in ep4 (her "training") his first worry wasn't his well being but if anyone could see him like that

e) in ep3 he refused to show what is reacting is when he can't breath unlike his mates who showed them

To keep his defense up Jax use many coping mechanism 

-emotional numbness/ narcissistic traits 

- Dehumanization/ lack of empathy seeing others as tool for his own gain or personal validation:

Jax called his mates multiple times "characters" implying he doesn't see them as human, treating them like toys like in ep3 "I want to see what your funny body does" when studying pomni's reaction to apnea.

People reacting to his behaviors validate his crafted persona plus seeing others as toys detach him from them.

-sarcasm/sadism/cynism or moral superiority:

As we've seen in past example Jax uses his persona to makes others look stupid/unstable/ unreliable making them seem like they are unworthy of empathy in his eyes further justifying his action (vicious circle)

-dissociation (when his persona can't be used)

During ep4 Jax went into an autopilots mod after he realizes his powerlessness making him act disconnected making him appear more chill even having a normal conversation with pomni, while it's the last strain of his brain to help him deny the situation he is in 

Potential cause of his behaviors I'm not assuming it's the reason he's this way but I'm giving example on how those kind of coping mechanism can develop so you can understand them better (but the inner void I'm sure he might have due to repressing his emotional needs):

Feeling of unworthiness (at his core)/ Disgust of his inner self: his strong fear of vulnerability might indicate he finds his core pathetic hiding it at all cost explaining his crafted persona often happen when children have parents that dismiss their feelings or invalidate them and only praising the child only when successing in their eyes (academically or socially) teaching the child to manipulate and repress his identity to get his needs met instead of constructing a healthy personality.

Fear of abandonment (unlikely): his tendency to keep people at arms lenght might indicate he might have been abandoned in the past trying to prevent this situation again by having control over situations creating abandonment again but by controlling the trauma this time or not letting anyone close to not ever get hurt again.

Inner void: his needs for chaos, having impact on people might stem from a feeling of being a hollow in ep2 he shows disappointement when the chaos he tried to make happens failed showing he might thrive on intensity to not feel empty, the attention he gets from his impulsive behaviors might not just be a logical end of it but also the goal of it the fact he is always at the center of every social interaction makes people validate the persona he tried to craft giving him a sense of identity 

Note 1 :so I watched ep4 again and the point where I said he created chaos because of gangle trying to get him to obey isn't accurate she didn't try to make him obey yet tho he probably understood he wouldn't have the social dominance here and couldn't do much of his usual tactics so he relayed on chaos desperately to not be powerless as we know it didn't work well, I'd like to add that him being disgusted of his core and his inner void are interconnected his emotional numbness is the consequences of him repressing his inner core and since he probably learned during his childhood to manipulate people perceptions of him probably because love was only given under certain condition (ex be seen as successful) to get his need met might have led him to see relationship as transactional explaining his lack of empathy

Another note :also sadism is a maladaptive coping mechanism that is associated with feeling of powerlessness (that he might have felt during his childhood if his needs were met inconsistently like giving him love only in certain conditions which made his environment "unpredictable" for his child self making him now scared of being powerless of course he might have felt powerless for other reason during his formative years making him now intolerant to it)

[ryukatters]

kaaatttt 😭😭😭 i need some satoru headcanons to heal my soul... what is he like as a bf??

ask and you shall receive my love (writing this to heal my soul)

content: modern AU, fluff, nsfw headcanons at the end

SFW

“mmm..i think i deserve a little treat right now.” 

except he says that at least 5 times a day and you will also be given a little treat. he does not care if you don’t want to eat kikufuku right now, you will be accompanying him to get some. 

speaking of, this man is basically eating 24/7. if gojo leaves your side for any reason while you guys are home, just know he is scavenging the kitchen for scraps like the raccoon he is. 

food is one of satoru’s main love languages. there’s something oddly satisfying and strangely warm about his loved ones eating and sharing a meal together, even if they tend to make him the butt of the joke in every single dinner conversation. 

will force you to become a sanrio girly idc (if you aren’t one already)

“babe, look!” "satoru, we have enough cinnamoroll plushies at home." "so you hate me then?"

the type to pick you up and spin you around whenever you two hug. he’ll spin and spin until both of you are dizzy and crash onto the couch.

attention whore. also just a whore in general but mostly a whore for (your) attention. will absolutely do the MOST to make sure your eyes are on him— i’m talking about poking your cheek, locking your phone if you’re scrolling through tiktok next to him, and it doesn’t even take much for him to start begging. he’s a loser like that.

scarily in tune with you. satoru is a lot more emotionally intelligent than he likes to let on around others, but he picks up on a lot of things. both of you are at a function and he can take one look at you and know that it's time to pack it up and go home.

is very sentimental about the things you give him/the things you two do together. before you started dating, satoru wasn't really one to collect tiny trinkets or keep ticket stubs because he thought they were just a waste of space. after you two got together, he started keeping virtually everything in a little box hidden in his closet. he realized that it's nice to give sentimental value to the little things, because then the memories associated with them live on in something physical.

he just... can't keep his hands to himself LOL. and like not even in a sexual manner either (sometimes), he just naturally gravitates towards you and is almost always touching you somehow— hand fiddling with your jewelry or hair, arm around your shoulder when you're sitting, arm around your waist when you're standing, playing footsies, whatever.

this man is painfully in love with you, and he makes it everyone's (mostly nanami's) problem. manages to bring you up in every single conversation with a lovesick grin on his face.

you will rarely ever hear satoru address you by your actual name. it will always be some variation of baby, babe, sweetheart, love, etc. uses snookums, cupcake, sweet cheeks, cinnamon sugar roll, my little sausage mcgriddle <3 on a rotating basis to annoy you

NSFW

you know those couples that just have this pent up sexual tension between them for no reason? like y’all could just be looking at each other but to everyone else it feels like you two are just eyefucking ​​😭 that’s you and gojo

no matter how long you guys have been together for, that spark between you just doesn't go away. people can see the immense physical attraction between you two.

is somewhat of an exhibitionist LMAO. he literally gets horny at the worst times and will drag you to the nearest supply closet, even if it means breaking the door in the process. who knows, maybe his real kink is vandalism

enjoys when you put up a bit of a fight/act like a brat. it makes putting you in your place so much sweeter.

very vocal— talking, moaning, whimpering. he sounds very pretty. he's extremely receptive to your touch so simply rubbing your hand along the bulge in his jeans has him moaning like a pornstar.

say it with me: satoru gojo is a pussy👏🏻pleaser👏🏻!

really likes going down on you. he thinks he could stay in between your thighs forever if you'd let him.

nasty. will cum inside you and clean it up with his tongue.

oscillates between wanting to overstimulate you and deny you. sometimes he does both. the way you get this hazy look in your eye and become so pliant, so needy for him gets him going.

he gets strangely possessive during sex. maybe it's a way for him to affirm that you really do love him and find him attractive.

"i'm the only one that can fuck you like this, right? make you feel this good?"

is a fan of snacks during aftercare LOL. you could have just had the most wild sex of your life, with the two of you panting as you lie in bed before satoru rolls over and opens his nightstand drawer and pulls out a pack of oreos before shoving one into your mouth

Some of these aren't even bf headcanons they're just how I think he'd be LMFAO

[henrysglock]

Okay. So. I said in my tags that I'd have more to say about all this, and mainly what I'm going to talk about is personal. Picture me writing this all out as fast as I can on my lunch break 😭

The past 8-ish months in this fandom have been a complete and utter hellscape. It's one thing to make niche theories and have them end up unpopular. It's another to have people quite literally send out libelous messages about you in hopes of a) convincing new fans that you're a bad person, and b) scaring new fans into that they're bad people if they interact with you.

And I mean...I knew Elliot and his friends were saying messed up stuff about me. I've known that since September of last year. I was trying to ignore it and not let it dictate my fandom experience. Because like what the hell, they’re pixels on a screen. It sucks, but it’s ultimately just the internet. Anyway. The false, exaggerated claims of rape apologism and pedophilia being presented as fact while having no proof behind them are nothing new. That's been going on for a long time, now, and I do have proof of that.

For example, the author of this anon:

Did fully come and apologize/explain that they were lied to on that very topic when the situation in September happened:

I did tell this person that I don't make a habit of posting DMs publicly because generally speaking I find it to be a breach of trust, but the situation has gone so far that I want to make that all public. I did, however, promise not to name them publicly. I won't tell you who said any of that, even if you ask.

But yeah, all that is nothing new.

What I didn't know until my conversations with @final-boy-creel is how invested this group was in making me out to be an awful person. I had no idea that anyone in that friend group was creating wholly falsified screenshots of me saying heinous transphobic things.

Final-boy-creel laid all that out, but I did want to a) post those faked images here for my own records, and b) expand on the situation in my own words.

First off...that's not my discord, nor is that Em's discord. Second off, like final-boy-creel said in his post: the fucked up time stamp at the bottom of the second image. (Among many other details that mark the pictures as fake, such as: changing text sizes, display names not being bolded, display names not being aligned with the time stamps, weirdly stretched profile pictures, the use of "tory" when I'm very open about being a USAmerican, numerous typos, and entirely altered typing styles (for example, I always edit my typos, I use the reply function all the time, and I'm a punctuation fan, including but not limited to: em dashes, semicolons, colons, and ellipses). Like...did whoever made these even try to make them believable??)

Second, as final-boy-creel said, I'm a neopronoun user myself. I had he/void in my bio for years, even back before I used tumblr and only had twitter. I mean, my neopronouns are even still in my discord notes:

And yes, I did remove them from public view to avoid any possible harassment from fans coming from sites like instagram, reddit, and tiktok, where neopronouns are a huge source of discourse and bullying.

So to say that *I* bully people for using neos? Absolutely insane.

Furthermore, I would never tell someone they "aren't trans enough" and that they're "making the community look bad". If you know me, then you've seen how much I post about queerness and letting people label themselves however they like forever. I'm a huge supporter of "weird" and "cringe" transness. Hell, I use the umbrella term queer for myself because I don't feel like a particular label fits me.

That upsets me more than anything else, because so much of who I am and the background I come from as a trans person centers around radical acceptance. I myself was told I wasn't trans enough when I was younger, and that shaped who I am today. Practicing radical acceptance was the only way to dig myself out of the "what if people think I'm not trans enough?" hole that was prventing me from actually living my life the way I want to.

So it really hurts me, that people think I'm some kind of transmedicalist fake-claiming scum! I'm not like that, I never have been, and it's really upsetting, knowing a decent amount of Henry fans (who all probably have me blocked by now, unfortunately, so it's not like I get a chance to explain anything) are going around thinking that's the kind of person I am. Making that kind of stuff up about me is just plain mean, especially when it's paired with telling people that I'm toxic and mean.

I can have my snippy moments when anons get a little too rude, but I like to think I'm not a mean person. And I guess I always assume that other people are the same way. Maybe that just makes me naïve.

But honestly, I just wanted to put out an apology to anyone who’s been intimidated by that group or made to feel like they’re in the goddamn panopticon here based on drama they weren’t even involved in, all under the guise of “warning” them about me. I’m so sorry that the shitstorm sucked you all into it, too. I’m so sorry your fandom experience has been made that stressful, and I’m sorry people are trying to control the opinions you form about others. It’s really, really disturbing—and really patronizing—behavior.

[sysmedsaresexist]

We're curious, since you apparently were anti-endo in the past Was there any specific event or conversation or experience that got you to start contemplating the idea you might have been wrong? I know you've mentioned talking to a buncha big name docs and going "okay I think I'm on the wrong side of this debate" but what got you to the point of even bringing it up with them in a genuinely open minded way? We think its an interesting topic for people who've escaped any kind of shithead mindset, not just anti-endo stuff, and so we're oft curious what pulls people out of those pits

This has been a loooonnggggg time coming.

I wish there was just one event that did it, if it was that simple I'd be putting everyone I come into contact with into that situation.

I spoke with Kymbra Clayton in early 2021 about her paper, Critiquing the Requirement of Oneness. It was on a bunch of, "proof endos exist," lists, and it didn't sit right with me. I was surprised to find that she wasn’t... quite anti endo, but she was upset that her work was being used to support them. Her paper was specifically about the shift in clinical circles from final fusion to functional multiplicity as a possible treatment goal. It sort of sent me deeper on the anti side, but it made me realize that, holy crap, I can talk to these people???

So I emailed Colin Ross later that year, desperate to prove someone else wrong, and despite numerous back and forth emails, he was completely pro endo. I never spoke about that conversation until I made my post about it... jeez, what, two weeks ago? What even is time.

But from there, I worked through other doctors, pro and anti, from both my personal, professional circles, and anyone else who would respond to inquiries about their work on whatever social media they were active on. Mostly, as therapists, they stressed the importance of understanding and kindness, regardless of personal beliefs.

I ended up helping a lot of endogenic systems learn about DID, and I realized that, wow, shocking, being nice facilitates conversation. As I got nicer, people were more willing to talk to me about their experiences. I saw how many people were really struggling and I realized that I wanted to help them more than I wanted to be right.

I got REALLY goddamn tired of hearing, "we don't have DID," and I realized I had to concede on that point. There was ZERO conversation to be had if I couldn't get my head around that. But if not DID, then what?

The more I heard, the more I shaped my own thoughts and understanding, the more I broadened my academic searches (wow, there's more terms to Google than just "DID trauma"), and the research was just overwhelming.

I wanted so badly to see the Stanford Tulpa studies fail that I actually started to enjoy the other work of the doctors involved (specifically Tanya Luhrmann, Michael Lifshitz is a little out there for me, but he sure is passionate). The more I read, the more I understood what they were hoping to accomplish and prove, and the more I saw ways that this kind of research can help people.

I don't agree with everything, but I'm still excited to see where it goes, and I realized it's okay to have mixed feelings and opinions, as long as I could be respectful about it.

I've been sneaking out endo safe content for about a year now, adding it on as the last tags. I've discussed at length about my changing beliefs. I'm shocked that no one noticed??

But I didn't actually change my stance publicly until the antis turned on me.

With this new round of antis from TikTok, they were posting stuff about DID that wasn't correct. At all. Some of it was disgustingly wrong. I tried to correct them, gave them pointers and resources to use, explained things they weren't understanding. I gave an amazing play by play of how @sophieinwonderland was going to tear their post apart, and managed to get it pretty damn close to what actually happened! That was fun.

And in return, they called me an endo and started an actual smear campaign against me.

(Hi, friendos, another reminder to get off my blogs and block me, please)

It was the straw that broke the back. I had held on the anti label specifically to be able to work within the anti community, but I was clearly not anti, these were clearly not my people, and they weren't interested in learning. Their actions and behaviour were beyond low. I wanted nothing to do with them.

But, I mean, I guess some people noticed my slow shift, because when I did reach out into the endo community just before I made my first Colin Ross post, they were quick to pull me in without question.

The acceptance and kindness that has been shown to me is... breathtaking. I can't think of a better word. The conversations that I've been having with people have been more interesting and beneficial than ever before.

Syscourse needs to involve actual conversation, and I've finally found that on the pro side.

TL;dr I wanted to prove endos wrong SO badly that I accidentally proved them right

[starandcloud]

John "Soap" MacTavish Headcannons

This man can SPRINT in heels I will die on this hill

If it wasn't for the military, he'd sleep until noon

Probably work a nightshift too

He needs coffee to function, if he doesn't have coffee he's a grouch

Takes his time waking up, not an early bird

He needs like five alarms to wake up

Bathroom first kind of person

Sometimes takes a shower in the morning, depends on if he didn't the night before

COFFEE and juice

Sweet tooth, a horrible sweet tooth

Chocolate chip pancakes are his go to, or whatever the canteen has tbh he's not that picky

He sleeps in whatever, or just his boxers does not care-

He does not dress up, he's in a uniform and looks presentable 9/10 out of ten. He's in a t-shirt and sweats when he's not deployed

Takes a shower every night, sometimes multiple times in the same night if he still feels grimey after the first one

He doesn't take baths often, but when he does it has bubbles and a rubber duckie. He likes the simple things in life guys

He likes simple scents, nothing complex

He hates 3-in-1

He likes Mint toothpaste

He eats when he can, but has pocket snacks

He loves home cooked meals

He likes smoothies, the purple ones (that he can never remember the name of) he gets from a smoothie shop are his favorites

He never makes meals for later, he's not that organized-

Rarely has leftovers

Get's fast food once in a blue moon

Doesn't eat out much, unless it's a special occasion

He does most of the chores, he has a specific way he does things

DESPISES dishes, hates the feeling of the food being squishy and soft under his fingers

IMMEDIATELY washes dishes after using them

Does have a "laundry chair" but it doesn't last long tbh

Makes his bed in the morning, military taught him well

Has a car, but that's about it

Owns a car, but it's this little puddle hopper and it's beat up- He could afford a better car, but he's deployed a lot so he probably won't buy one

He literally takes his car through the biggest puddles ever, just to see the water arch. He's easily amused

Hates boats, especially after Graves

He has an Android

Special ringtones for everyone he cares about

He has it silenced 9/10, he silences it for missions and forgets to unsilence it

He has candy-crush on his phone and I will stand firm on this

He has the basic lock and home screens

He has snapchat but uses it for the filters, also has facebook for market place and Tiktok for the car videos

He has a few followers on Tiktok

He can block someone easy

He posts his cooking fails online

He probably has angered the baking/cooking niche online A LOT, dude probably has callouts from five years ago because he doesn't care-

He sleeps whenever, but totally has sleeping meds for his PTSD

He can either be up all night or in seconds, depends on how tired he is tbh

He's a light sleeper

He talks in his sleep, but it's mostly mumbles

Has nightmares more often than not

Has a bit of light from his TV, finds it hard to sleep without it

Sleeps with every window and door locked

Has his bed in the corner of the wall, hard to be attacked from both sides

His handwritting is damn near impossible to understand, sometimes Price has a hard time deciphering it

He's an outdoorsy type

The first memory is of being with him mom at a fair

He likes bread, just bread ;-;

He listens to literally everything, except classical it puts him to sleep

Very Artsy

He has Bachlers degree

He loves cats, and has one at his moms

Struggles with gifts tbh

He went from the tallest in his family, to the one of the shortest on his team

He's huge on physical touch, especially with his partner

He said something that made Ghost stop in his tracks once, and then ever did again. It was so stupid it was smart

Soap is so fucking sociable it honestly annoys Ghost

He really wants to get married, but doesn't want to put the stress of him always being deployed on his spouse and he doesn't want to die on them

He's allergic to Buckwheat, Shellfish, Balsam of Peru, Tegretol, and Cosmetics

Whenever something traumatic happens he shrugs and goes: "Well that happened" and goes on with his life

He has a lot of scars, mostly from war itself most of them are on his upper arms but some are on his chest and forearms

He has a scar from getting a gash on his leg when playing when he was a kid, he needed A LOT of stitches

He has one that looks like a cresant moon on his right hand ring finger

He honestly doesn't mind when people trace his scars, it's kinda soothing

A little kid once asked about one on his chest, which he got when a bomb went on prematurely, and he said he got it from a T-Rex to entertain the kid.

That was also when he decided he wanted kids, when the kids eyes blew open wide and they bounced on their toes asking more questions. Which he provided absurd answers until the kids mom rushed over and apologized

The one on his chest was from a near-death experience, learned really quick how to run really really fast

He holds his partner close during cuddling, if their back is against his chest his face in buried in their neck. If he's laying on top of them, he has his head against their stomach and his arms protectively around their waist, or if his head is on his lap he just gently holds them and usually falls asleep

He's close with all of his family but is 1n00% a momma's boy

He stims by making faces, which is slightly weird if you don't know him wel

[ftm-hotch]

thinking about how haley and hotch really were great together but the fandom fundamentally misunderstands their relationship because of misogyny

this is my white whale. I believe the tiktok girlies call it a "roman empire." I am Haley Hotchner's defense lawyer, and I work pro bono.

I started to draft this in my head and then I realized you know what I hate? I hate it when I'm in my own little corner of fandom and someone comes in from another corner and makes baseless accusations. So while I will be engaging in some counter-bashing, it will not be baseless, because for you, dear mutual, I have entered the belly of the beast.

Let's get into it, and then into what we actually see from Haley in the show.

Note: I'm going to stay in my lane here, my lane being ao3. It's been five years since I was what I would consider active enough on Criminal Minds tumblr to give an accurate report from the front lines, so I won't try.

So first of all, there are only 22 works. Not a lot to work with, but taking a look at the most commonly occurring tags within this one, we see:

Dr. Spencer Reid appears more in the "Not Haley Hotchner Friendly" tag than Haley Hotchner herself. 22% more, in fact (81% to 59%, Haley appears in roughly half of the works in a tag that has her name in it). Not looking good on the "erasing women" front. Haley isn't even present in a lot of these fics to show her side of the story, and she's often shunted aside in favor of Hotch/Reid. Nothing wrong with Hotch/Reid at all btw! But when a woman is consistently sidelined and demonized to make room for a man, there's a problem with how the fandom as a whole is thinking about women.

And sure enough, that's what's happening. Haley is serving as Hotch's tragic backstory in a lot of these fics, and not in the way she does in canon. In a perfect world, I would skim these fics and find out exactly how many this trope occurs in, but one of them is 10k words of omegaverse and it's two in the morning. I can tell you anecdotally, though, that it's a lot, and that the theme continues outside of fics explicitly tagged "Not Haley Hotchner Friendly."

The "Additional Tags" section doesn't show me much, which isn't surprising considering there are only 22 fics.

Now on to the content of the fics. Like I said, I didn't read or even skim every single one of these, but I did pull two that I consider representative of the two dominant strains of Haley hate: cheating and abuse.

Note: one of these fics is what I would consider an outlier. It's a fic depicting Haley sexually assaulting Hotch in a very dubcon way, and having read it, I would consider it more like a huge departure from canon than a misogynistic misreading of Haley's character. The author wasn't concerned with Haley and Hotch's canon relationship, but rather with themes of sexual coercion. That's not the kind of Haley bashing I'm talking about. I'm talking about misogynistic interpretations of canon.

Cheating:

Ah, the trope of the cheating bitch. Yes, it is implied that Haley was cheating in canon (I'm 99% sure it was in 3.02 where they had the hang-up call to the house and then Haley's phone started ringing). So if she's canonically a cheater, where the hell am I going with this?

Well, context is important. I am of the opinion that Haley's subplot was a (clumsy) commentary on gender roles and female dissatisfaction. Haley was not getting what she needed or wanted from Hotch. I am absolutely not condoning cheating under these circumstances, but narratively, the function that her cheating was serving was as a commentary on female dissatisfaction, and I think overlooking that is a bit misogynistic and unfair. Just as Hotch had his reasons for doing what he was doing, Haley had hers. And again, Haley is often absent from these stories, just like she was in the overwhelming majority of canon.

And then there are the outright misogynistic takes on the whole thing:

"Cheating Aaron Hotchner" is paired with "Aaron Hotchner Needs a Hug." "Cheating Haley Hotchner" is paired with "Not Haley Hotchner Friendly." Hotch is assumed to have complex and emotionally charged reasons behind his cheating. Haley is assumed to be a bitch. Again, any narrative about female dissatisfaction, anything that would give Haley a sense of interiority and well-roundedness, is ignored in favor of Hotch angst.

That brings me to an important point. The discerning reader doth protest: "Mikey! Just because the fic is tagged 'Not Haley Hotchner Friendly' doesn't mean the author hates Haley! It just means the narrative isn't friendly to her, which could be for a variety of reasons, including that Hotch's POV is inherently skewed. After all, didn't you just write a few fics from the POV of a narrator you disagree with?" And to that I say, fair point! But. But. A few things are relevant here. One is that Hotch is just not that unreliable about Haley. He gets frustrated with her, but let's not forget "what I want, I'm not gonna get" (3.14). Hotch loves Haley, and consistently expresses his desire to go back to her. A Hotch who thinks badly of Haley is not a canon-accurate Hotch, and I think reading that into him shows bias on behalf of the author. Another relevant thing is that in reality, a lot of these authors ARE using the tag both to express the narrative's dislike of AND their own dislike of Haley. A third thing: we aren't just talking about individual conscious intent here; we're talking about fandom trends. Haley is not the first female character to go through this. There's more to this, on both sides of the coin, but it's still 2am and my head hurts now.

Abuse:

Now, here, I'm going to lay down a ground rule, and that rule is that whatever you accuse me of, I will not tolerate being accused of denying the reality that women can be abusive. I've been assaulted and abused by women and AFAB people. Don't even try me.

Back to my case studies. For this, I'm going to quote from a fic in the "Not Haley Hotchner Friendly" tag to show that portrayals of Haley as abusive are misreadings of canon.

Spencer didn’t press further, waiting for Aaron to continue. “We fought a lot…on the bad days”, he murmured, looking back down at his knees. “She never understood this - our- job. [...]"

Nah. Haley very much understood Hotch's job, and Hotch knew that. In 5.09, when Rossi asks if Hotch has told Haley yet that he's going back to the BAU, Hotch says he doesn't have to and that she already knows. Haley understood the demands of the job, and what it meant to him. She understood it well enough to put up with it for a long time, even though it put a hell of a lot of stress on her.

This quote also shows a willingness to overlook Haley's side of the story. In canon, as much as it could possibly be said that Haley misunderstands the job, Hotch misunderstands her stress even more. She's essentially a single parent, by Hotch's own 5.09 admission. Once, Hotch forgot a hospital visit for what sounded like a pretty serious condition Jack had as a baby.

“Haley said I wasn't prioritizing our family. Me ”, Aaron chuckled self deprecatingly.

I love Hotch with my whole heart. I really do. But in the early seasons, he consistently made choices that showed he prioritized his work over his family, and was even willing to be pretty cruel about it (the 3.02 fight where he uses the horror of the case as leverage in an argument).

"But wait! Mikey! Remember your own note about extreme canon divergence???? What if that's what this is?" Even if it is, this writing betrays subconscious misogyny. Haley is being used as a tool to create Hotch angst instead of being considered as a well-rounded character. She's being sidelined in favor of men, and the choice to use her as Hotch's abuser when the prompt this fic was based on mentioned nothing about her is in itself a misogynistic rewriting of what was actually going on in canon.

I'm tired now but I rest my case.

[transformersandturtles]

I made another fic! This one is solely Wolverine centric. This is darker than I normally write so please keep in mind the warnings! Also a bit of this fic is the movie, but just from Logan's side of it.

Inspired by This Post by Midnightdrag0ns ( @midnights-dragon ) on TikTok!

Word count : 6,848 words (my hands hurt)

CW : ⚠️Alcoholism, ⚠️mentions of SH and thoughts of s-side, survivor's guilt and heavy grief, swearing, hurt/angst (very little comfort at the end), possible spelling errors (not reviewed)

edit : Forgot the title woops

---

Guilt isn't always a rational thing. . .

Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.

- Maureen Johnson

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝑯𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝑩𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑯𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒔

No sleep for the innocent.

Logan's head was spinning, his thoughts all a blur as his throat burned from the familiar liquid he had become so dependent on.

Not for you.

A little voice rang in the back of his mind, a bitter sound that haunted him. His own thoughts, an awful reminder of what he still had. A functioning conscious. How miserable. The calloused finger tips of his index and middle fingers tapped the wooden surface of the bar. Another drink. As his healing factor started to clear his liver, his blurry thoughts were almost clear once again. And he heard it.

"Logan!" The familiar voices rang out his name. Voices he longed to hear once again. Voices he didn't want to hear in his head. He wanted to hear the sounds against his ears, feel the touch on the shoulder or the face. The comforting scents, the comforting caresses. Everything he lost, he wanted again. To make things right. . . But it was one of God's best jokes that he couldn't die. No matter what he did. No matter how hard he tried. His body would always recover, and the cycle continued.

Did you forget?

You have blood on your hands.

As Logan was given another drink by the bartender, he paid no attention to what was said to him but he knew. He wasn't welcomed here. He wasn't welcomed anywhere. A blight. He'd failed everyone; his people, his team, his friends, his family. All because he went out one night and got shitfaced. He left when they called for him. He always walked away. . . And it was his biggest regret.

On your lips.

Logan's lips found the rim of his glass, drinking down another cup. His tongue tingled, taking down the flavor of the bitter drink. His throat burned once more and his stomach churned. The booze in his gut sloshed ever so slightly as he started to sway a little in his seat, but the affect wore off so quickly he could barely remember the feeling. He wanted to he numb in every sense of the word. To be deprived of feeling, sensations, responsiveness. He wanted nothing more than to feel nothing. But maybe it was life's way of punishing him. Keeping him alive as some sick joke. To remind him that he walked away with his life, and his companions. . . Not so much. His eyelids felt heavy as he closed them for a moment, the memories of what happened replaying like a broken projector, stuck on the same movie.

"Come on, Logan, stay! We have beer in the fridge, if that's what has you so preoccupied." Jean spoke with a gentle tone, trying to convince him to stay.

"Honestly, Logan, you should cut back." Scott pestered, as always.

"Spend dinner with us, Logan. You always run off." Ororo tried to persuade him.

"Why didn't you stay?" Charles's voice echoed. That's not what he said. Logan knew that, but he knew that Charles thought it when the mansion was attacked.

"Logan! Help us!" The collective voices got louder and louder, screaming for him. The begging and crying grew louder, like a choir of banshees ready to attack. The anger, the hate. It was all at him. And that was justifiable for what he did. A drunkard monster, abandoning his friends for booze and they're left to die by the hands of humans. No one to help them. To help him.

The guilt was heavy on his shoulders. On his chest, his mind. He should have stayed. Why didn't he stay? Why was he so stubborn? He had nothing now. Nothing but the suit under his coat to remind him of everything he once had. That stupid yellow suit everyone always used to bother him about wearing. Why? He wasn't an X-Man. He would never be an X-Man. That was long gone, long over.

On your teeth.

Logan opened his eyes, the heavy tiredness pushed back by the rushing thump of his heartbeat. The glass in his hand was now empty once more. He grimaced, and soon tapped the bar again to get the bartender's attention. This time his focus was on the full bottle as it was brought over, and when the bartender told him that he was no longer welcomed, Logan just rolled his eyes with a scoff. As the man continued, he wasn't welcomed anywhere and to get the fuck out, Logan's tired expression remained.

"Jus' give me one more drink an' then I'll leave. . ." His words were slow and surprisingly quiet compared to his usual gruff and bark-like tone. He didn't have anything to do or anywhere to go. Like the man said, he was welcomed no where. The night he lost everything, he really saw red. He had been the judge, the jury, and the executioner. Everyone was guilty in his eyes at the time. Every human, every person who stood in his way. Man, woman, anyone he saw a threat. He took down. It's been a while since then, but he still saw the blood on his hands every once in a while. The holes in his knuckles that held his claws. The weapons he used. To be what he was created for. Destruction. To fall so hard from the expectations held up for him. So much hope, so much care, love. He had so much, and it was gone from him in the blink of an eye.

"That's not how it works." The bartender spoke firmly, eyes still narrowed on the mutant drunkard. Out of the corner of his eyes, Logan spotted something. . . Odd. A scent caught his attention. A familiar scent, but also so foreign to him. His nose twitched a little, trying to pinpoint the scent, which fell unto the masked figure in red next to him. Great, what a clown. Who the fuck was this guy? Here to poke fun at the oh-so-great Wolverine? Fantastic.

"It does now." The stranger spoke, the white eyes of the mask focused solely on Logan, which only made him agitated. His life was already shit enough, he didn't need some dude dressed up playing hero to bother him. Logan was no hero. Not anymore. He was a monster. "Leave the bottle." The man's tone was much more serious, head tilted towards the tender for just a moment, before right back at Logan. What a fucking joke.

"I know you, bub?" Logan eventually spoke, eyes half lidded with a slight hint of confusion, but also hidden agitation. He wanted no part of this. He just wanted to drink. And drink. And drink until he couldn't remember his own goddamn name. But life just had to make him live to see 200 and over.

"Nope," The man in red spoke, the 'p' punctuated under the mask, "but I know you. . ." He spoke calmly and lowly, which just made Logan more annoyed. No one had spoken to him like this in a long time. It was foreign to him at this point. Every conversation was hate and anger. Not gentle. This stranger must be a foreigner or a goddamn moron.

"Everybody knows me. . ." Logan murmured in a bored, almost defeated tone as he gave a lazy nod to the man in red, looking away from him. "I'm the Wolverine. . ." He was almost bitter about it. . . Almost. The tags tucked under his suit, a reminder of his past that he long forgot. The only names he knew written on it. But he didn't feel like Wolverine suited him anymore. That was the name of a hero. He wasn't a hero. Heroes don't kill innocent people. Heroes don't go in a blind rage and attack on sight. And heroes don't let their family die all because they wanted to get wasted.

"Yes you are. . ." The stranger continued, his tone of voice sounded like he may be smiling under the mask, but it was really hard for Logan to focus at all on that. He just wanted to drink still, to be left alone. He was better off alone. Better off dead, if he really thought about it, but he knew better than to think like that. Nothing would give him that mercy. It was wishful thinking. "And I'm gonna need you to come with me right now." The man continued on, still focused on Logan. The old mutant was almost flabbergasted. Almost. But he felt annoyed, and almost insulted. Who was this fucker to come waltzing over and make demands for him to go somewhere? He looked the man up and down, not exactly disgusted but he definitely had a look on his face that showed he didn't seem too keen on that.

"Look, lady. . . I'm not interested." He stated firmly and boredly, not wanting to entertain this conversation any longer. He held his hand a little to wave off the man, shaking his head as he looked back at his glass.

"Really getting into your cups --" The stranger started to speak up, but was almost immediately cut off by Logan who really didn't want to have this chat any further.

"-- Why would I go with you?" Logan grumbled, clearly still under the affects of the alcohol he's drank, but it wasn't enough to silence the voices in his head. His left hand went up, index finger pointed out to poke the masked stranger right between his eyes, with just enough force to push the man's head back with a small thump. That probably would have hurt or been uncomfortable for any other person due to his metal bones. But the red man didn't seem too bothered by it. At least in the moment. Logan's gaze was still on him, almost looking dumbfounded with his head tilted to the side like a confused dog.

"Because, unfortunately," the man began, "I need you. And even more unfortunately, my entire world needs you." He continued almost firmly, still talking gently however with a lowered voice so no bystanders heard, but this bar had a few people in it, and they were all staring at the idiot in red. The moment was quickly interrupted by voice piping up from behind the bar, in a jestful tone.

"Are you two gonna fuck or fight?" He snickered as the bartender approached the two. The man in red turned his attention to him, almost like he was insulted that someone dare interrupt their important conversation. Logan, however, could care less as his gaze went away to the countertop of the bar, his hands still on either side of himself on the bar, glass still empty in front of him.

"You gonna take that from him?" The red man raised a brow under his mask as he asked the question, as if curious to know who the ex-hero would react to such a thing said to him. Logan didn't care, he rarely cared. That was nothing compared to the other things that have thrown his way. Insults, slurs, threats. You name it, he's heard it for sure.

"Yup. . ." Logan mumbled as he glanced at the other man before away once again, he was used to this after all. Why would he fight back now? It was nothing. But the man in red found it humorous apparently. With a snort and small chuckle, he shook his head a moment and sighed.

"I can tell you sort of have a 'don't get too close, I'll only break your heart' vibe going here," the chatter box continued as he waved his hand by Logan to address his whole 'vibe' going on, "BUT, every other Wolverine would have really hurt me by now and I'm sort of on the tick tick," he gestured to his wrist and tapped on it, but Logan couldn't care less as his gaze was on his empty glass once again, ignoring the gaze of the stranger in red. Man this guy was super annoying. "So," he stood up and moved behind Logan to get him up off the seat, "Upsy daisy!" Was this guy STILL talking? Logan barely had time to react, his body still reeling with the affects of the alcohol he's drank. Before Logan knew it, he was lifted up which did startle him a little but he was mostly confused by it and really agitated. How the hell could this guy get him up so easily?

"Woah, woah. . . Hey, hey-! " Logan tried to protest as he was moved up and off the seat he had gotten so comfortable on that now left him almost cold and his legs a little tingly from sitting for so long.

"I got you big guy!" The man sounded like he was smiling under his mask. Logan managed to pull away from him in annoyance, glaring at the stranger as he stumbled a little when an all too familiar snikt came from his hands. Logan staggered a bit as him and the stranger looked down at his hand where his claws just barely poked through the knuckles. Logan grumbled a bit, of course his mutation would be affected by his drinking, no shocker there. The pain shot through his arm, but he was so used to it that it didn't even bother him at this point. No gloves or slots to correct the path his claws went. The man in red looked almost. . . Amused? Disappointed? It was really hard to tell when his face was covered up and his eyes didn't give much away.

"Oh!" He seemed surprised at first, having to do a double take as he looked at the small claws then up at Logan, then back at the claws, noticing the small bit of blood drip down from the healing wounds. "Whiskey dick of the claws. . . It's quite common in Wolverine's over 40." The man seem to joke, he definitely had a smile under his mask at this point. He snickered a bit, deeply amused by the whole situation, that was for sure.

"You don't want this. . ." Logan murmured with a frown, shaking his head ever so slightly as he looked at the stranger, still a bit staggered on his feet, out of his mind at the moment as he could barely stand straight while looking at the other man. However, before he knew it, the man in red pulled out a pistol from his holster and pointed the end of the barrel right at Logan's face. Logan, even in a stuper, could hear the familiar sound of a click as it was held up. His ears twitched a little, and the man in red spoke once more.

"You're right. . . And you don't want this." He spoke seriously, a stern look was probably on his face but it was hard for Logan to imagine. This guy acted like a circus clown, and not the funny kind. As Logan looked at the barrel, his blurry eyes managed to focus on the engravings.

Smile. Wait for the flash.

It took everything in him NOT to laugh at that as he still staggered on his uneven footing. That was almost priceless, if he was going to be honest. Now he REALLY couldn't take this guy seriously at all. What a fucking joke.

"Unless you want to take a deep breath through your fucking forehead, I suggest you reconsider. . ." The man threatened so casually like he was used to saying stuff like this. Like he did this for a living or something of the sort. What kind of idiot gave this moron a gun? "Let's go, Peanut." He said sternly with a small huff. Logan couldn't help but snort a little, amused by it all as a smile slowly came to his face, sharp canines bared to the man as he leaned against the barrel of the pistol, showing no signs of backing down or leaving with him. He looked tired, that was for sure, and that grin seemed strained yet also slightly genuine. Maybe a shot to the head would put him out of his misery. But he doubted the holder would actually ever pull the trigger. How unfortunate for him, the immortal freak. But Logan couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his lips as he looked at the red man.

Smile for the camera.

His grin remained as he held up his index finger for a moment, still chuckling like he had actually been told something funny by the circus clown.

"Hold on, hold on, hold on. . ." Logan peeled away from the gun, and his focus turned to the bar and grabbed the bottle of alcohol from the counter. "Watch this." As he grabbed the bottle, he moved back to the red man, the whole attention of the bar was now on them. As he turned back to look at the gun, he grabbed it with no hesitation and no fear or worry for his life or wellbeing. "Alright, that will-" His hand was still on the gun, his movements staggered and words a bit slurred as the man pointed the gun right back up at Logan. "Easy." Logan huffed, still amused by this little game that had come to be. His grip was firm on the barrel as he tilted his head back and started chugging down the contents of the bottle, ensuring that he was being watched the entire time.

"Good god. . ." The stranger seemed surprised and a bit exasperated. Logan grunted slightly as he continued to nurse the bottle. He tried not to laugh as he did so, breathing through his nose. "Thirsty little honey badger, aren't ya?" He tilted his head to the side with an amused grin, chuckling. Logan's nose flared as he breathed heavily while taking down more and more of the bottle with no break, still focused on the almost empty glass. He had become so engrossed in the beverage that he eventually let go of the gun, his arm falling to his side as he kept drinking it down. "It's okay, keep going. . ." The stranger continued to watch, amazed but also a bit concerned for this guy cause holy shit, this was not a normal thing people did. Logan continued to gulp down the drink, still breathing through his nose and grunting a bit. Logan began tilting his head back further with the bottle as it neared empty, no longer focusing on whatever the man was rambling about now. Once it was finally done, Logan let out a satisfied groan and looked towards the man in red. With the bottle still in his hand, his vision got very blurry and his eyes started to roll back as he fell unconscious, no longer aware of his surroundings as his heavy body hit the floor with a thud, the floorboards creaking under his weight.

* * *

In the middle of nowhere, the red and yellow duo drove the the void, somehow now in a forest. Logan hadn't been paying attention, he's just been driving the Honda him and Wade, - the stranger that held him are gun point at the bar -, had gotten from a nicer counterpart of Wade's. Nicepool or some sap shit like that, he didn't care. He just wanted to get back to his universe and get everything fixed like he'd been promised. He was deeply annoyed with Wade, this bastard came into his life and had to flip it upside down for no reason other than to save a universe that had nothing to do with him. Also, the music in the car was starting to drive him nuts. This music sucked. Even after drinking the rubbing alcohol at the abandoned diner, he really wished he had more booze. He hated being sober, his shoulders and chest heavy once again as he sat in the drivers seat, agitated with Wade. The voices were getting to him again, voices he'd longed to get over but knew he'd never get the peace. The blood was on his hands, the souls weighed his conscious. And his mood only got worse as Wade tried to talk about his suit. The suit that he never wanted to wear until the people he cared about were ripped from his life by a bunch of selfish assholes who couldn't accept that they were different, and had to snuff out their flames. He didn't like the negative connotation Wade was getting at about the X-Men. What the fuck did he know? Wade dropped the X-Men, his X-Men. But that didn't mean the Merc with a Mouth could talk about his X-Men like that. Not his team. Not his friends, his family. Wade had no fucking right. But soon something caught his ears.

"If they fix--" Logan didn't bother listening to the rest of that sentence. The fuck did this guy mean if? He promised his world would be fixed. That he'd get the ones he loved back. That he'd get to see Scott, Jean, Ororo, Hank, Charles, everyone. Alive. That he'd get a do-over and fix his mistakes. To never leave his loved ones again. Logan's emotions got the best of him, as always. And he slammed on the brakes with little to no warning. Words were said, and claws found their way into Wade's thigh quickly. There was heavy tension in the air, and Logan was at his wits end. He had enough, he couldn't take this idiot seriously any longer. A wish? A fucking educated wish? It felt like his heart and soul were ripped out of his body all over again, and what little hope he had to fix things was gone.

"You know what?" Logan started with an agitated tone, clearly upset that Wade had lied to him, in the most ridiculous way possible. Maybe he was the fool for believing in this idiot. "You're a fucking joke," he continued on, "No wonder the Avengers didn't take you or the X-Men, and they'll take fucking anyone! I mean, you are a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron. I have never met a sadder, more attention-starved jabbering little prick in my entire life, and that says a lot because I've been alive for more than 200 fucking years, and I'll tell you, that bald chick was right about one thing: you will never save the world!" His words were harsh and bitter, and maybe a little projected onto the other Canadian that had genuinely pissed him off. Logan was definitely an outlier in the 'nice Canadian' stereotype. Then again, he's been through hell and back and barely remembers half of it sometimes. "You couldn't even save a relationship with a goddamn stripper! Motherfucker, I wish I could say you'll die alone, but it's one of God's best jokes that you can't die, except that's on ALL OF US!" As Logan got more heated, more angry, raw with pure emotions as he hit the roof of the car, his breathing was heavy. For a moment, just a sliver of a second, there was a moment of regrets to his words. A moment of remorse, but it was gone just as fast as it came and the man snarled a bit, canines bared to the other. "Well, you got nothing to say, Mouth?" He was pissed off and it showed, face contorted in anger as he waited for a response from Wade, and as the silence went on, his breathing got a little softer, almost like a pant from a dog, but it was short lived when the other finally spoke up.

"I'm gonna fight you now. . ." Wade muttered. It was hard to tell if he was being serious or not, and honestly Logan couldn't tell. Nor did he care. He'd never be able to take him seriously, not after that lie. But Logan couldn't hold back a laugh, ready to call his bluff.

"Oh? Are you?" He raised a brow with a snort, ready for this to be over already until he was met with a hard fist to the face. He was stunned by this, shock in his eyes as he stared at the other blankly as he felt an almost unfamiliar feeling in his nose. He hadn't been punched in the nose in a long time. That couldn't have felt good to Wade either, a fist straight to the metal skull. A warm liquid dribbled down from Logan's nose, and as Wade had stated, a fight was soon in pursuit.

* * *

No sleep for the innocent.

Not for you.

Did you forget?

You have blood on your hands.

On your lips.

On your teeth.

Smile for the camera.

The voices rang in his head, he couldn't escape. He'd carried this pain, this guilt, for so long. He let everyone down. His universe, his family. He let everyone down. All for a drink. A fixation he couldn't break. Because of him, he was left alone, to walk the miserable world with immortality. No matter how man gashes he gave himself, no matter how hard he tried to disembowel himself, every method he could possibly think over, he couldn't end it. But the pain still lingered. He always felt the pain, even when his healing factor took affect. He always felt the pain, and felt like he deserved it. He knew the others would be disappointed in what he's become, but what could he do? He was exhausted. He sat on his knees, in the darkest parts of his mind. The grass was tall, a breeze going past as a white shirt clung to his figure. He sat there, feeling completely defeated as the voices rang out. He left them all behind. He walked away. He always does.

"Trust me, kid. . . I'm no hero. . ." Logan murmured, nursing down a bottle of whiskey as Laura accompanied him at the fire, against his wishes.

"That suit says different. . ." She spoke calmly yet firmly, her eyes going from the fire then back to Logan. Logan let out a small huff, almost a sound of amusement at her words.

"You like it?" He asked as he raised a brow, looking at Laura who seemed to give a small nod of acknowledgement. "Scott used to beg me to wear it. . . So did Jean. . . Storm. . . Beast. All of 'em. . .They wanted me to be part of the team, but I wouldn't. . ." His voice shook a little as he spoke,his gaze falling to the half empty bottle in his hands. He knew they'd be ashamed of what he's become. "Told 'em they all look fuckin' ridiculous, an'. . ." He trailed off a little, glancing to the side for a moment, then to Laura once more. "I couldn't have 'em thinkin' I wanted to be there. . . And one day, while I was off on my own, the humans came and went mutant huntin'. . ." His voice broke ever so slightly, head down as he remembered the events that fell. Nothing got rid of the bitterness in his heart, and the regret that ate at his soul. Would things have been different if he were there? Maybe. . .

"Whoever you think I am, you got the wrong guy. . ." He remembered speaking to Laura, a girl who had been saved by a better version of himself. He could vaguely see the resemblance; she was strong and fierce and mouthy. But she knew what to say. From the little time he got to know her, she was better than he was, and he was damn sure that his variant would be proud of the person she was.

"You were always the wrong guy. . . Until you weren't." She had told him at that campfire when he was drinking himself to memory fog. Those words definitely hit something in him.

Even as Nova tried to 'sympathize' with him, to entice him to join her so she could make the voices go away. To get the screaming to stop. To stop all the sounds, all the pain. He didn't trust her, not one bit. But it was part of the plan. When the area went quiet, he felt like a weight was lifted from his shoulders, like he could breathe easy again. But he knew it wouldn't last. He didn't deserve the peace. It was too quiet. . . He couldn't handle it, but he had Nova right where they needed her. And it was only a matter of time when Wade finally got that stupid helmet on Nova, that she finally got out of his head, and Logan felt the rush hit him like a train. The pain, the voices, the screams that fell upon deaf ears when he was in a blind rage, it all returned to him. It was a bitter comfort. Silence was unbearable for him. He closed his eyes, and when he returned to reality, he got to his feet quickly as Wade seemed about ready to let Nova die in the Juggernaut helmet.

"This suit's all I've got to remind me of who they were. . . . And what I did. . ."

What he did. . . The biggest fucking mistake of his life, and he's made lots of mistakes over his 200 years of living on this goddamn rock. He's been through hell with experiments for a shitty government. He's forgotten most of his life, and what little bits and pieces he had to remember were only in his nightmares that would always fizzle from his mind the moment he was conscious and in a mess of his torn bedsheets and blood. The blood was on his hands. It always had been. Their faces, God their faces. Always haunted him, always made him feel even worse. The faces of his team, and the faces of those he took his anger out on. He couldn't fix his world, it was doomed from the start. The least he could do, with what will he had left to keep fighting, he had to make sure at least someone remembered who they were. The real X-Men.

"For the first time in my life. . ." Logan's eyes felt wet as he spoke, fighting back the shakiness in his voice. "I am proud to wear this suit." He states firmly, still fighting back tears as his voice wavered, his emotions pure and raw in the moment. "It means I'm an X-Man. . . I am THE X-Man!" Saying those words felt odd, but. . . Needed. Like he'd lifted a heavy weight for his lungs. He could breathe easy, despite the fuzzy vision he had in the moment. With pride, and confidence he had long neglected, he was happy to call himself an X-Man. As much as his life sucked hell, he couldn't let their memories go.

* * *

After the party and saying by to Laura, Logan stepped away from the door so Wade could talk with his friends as they left down the hall. It was. . . Different. And this whole thing would definitely take some getting used to. He helped clean up the small apartment, putting dishes in the sink and trash in the bin before making his way to the couch. He took off the blue-green flannel he wore that evening, taking a deep breath as he laid down, his white T-shirt clung to his figure, dog tags draped over his collarbone with a small jingle. He closed his eyes, flannel over the armrest of the couch as he used it as a pillow, arms crossed over his midsection. He didn't plan on falling asleep yet, just to shut his eyes and wait for Wade. He wasn't really paying attention, not even realizing he was dozing off until he heard a voice.

"Logan!" The voice sounded. . . Happy? It sounded like Jean.

"Wake up, you overgrown Chihuahua!" He could practically hear the snarky grin on Scott's face.

"You always love to keep us waiting, don't you?" Beast scoffed, the sound of fur against fabric could be heard from him shaking his head. He grunted as it sounded like someone elbowed him.

"Cut him some slack, he's had a long day." Ororo could be heard next, a small chuckle escaping her lips. Logan slowly opened his eyes, greeted by a bright light. Was that the sun? How? It was 8pm, he was sure the sun was down by now. His eyes adjusted to the light, and his heart almost dropped at the sight before him. It was everyone. Scott, Jean, Beast, Storm, Kitty, Rogue, everyone. Even the man himself, with that familiar sound of the chair.

"Professor. . ?" He didn't understand. Where was he? This had to be a dream, right? A sick dream his mind made to torment him further of his past misdeeds.

"Logan. . . It's good to see you again." Charles Xavier spoke sincerely, a small smile on his face. He could see the confusion, the uncertainty. "This isn't a dream." He tried to reassure, but knew that those words could only go so far.

"Well, if it's not a dream. . . Where am I? What is. . . All of this?" He sat up from the tall grass, soon standing. He'd never seen it so bright here before. So full of light.

"You know where this is. . ." Charles spoke calmly yet firmly, knowing that Logan knew. When it finally clicked, Logan stepped back.

"Why are you here. . ?" He asked, a bit hesitant. He didn't know if this was real or not, and if it was, he was struggling to hold himself together. Jean and Scott moved close, and Jean was the first to touch Logan, her caress gentle on his face. Logan felt like he was hit by a tidal wave, the rush of warmth he had missed so much from his companions. He relaxed into her touch almost immediately, the familiarity there. Then he felt Scott pat his shoulder. He remembered the bickering and rough housing, how they were always at each other's throats. He was trying not to cry, but it only got harder.

"You know why we're here, Logan. . ." Scott spoke surprisingly softly to him, squeezing his shoulder a bit. Jean smiled warmly.

"We're proud of you. . ." She tried to comfort him, but it was clear that time had not been so kind to Logan after all these years. Slowly but surely, everyone made their presence known by physical contact, and the dam broke. Tears started to drip down his face, like someone had turned the faucet all the way on and broke the handle. It wouldn't stop. He'd never cry in front of his teammates, never in a million years. Yet here he was, shaking before them. He hated being vulnerable in front of others, normally it was his biggest weakness. But right now, he couldn't stop it. Faces he'd thought he'd never see again, never see smiling. Let alone smiling at him of all people.

"You're a damn good X-Man, boy. . ." Hank let out a gruff compliment, patting his back. Logan felt awful, he didn't deserve any compliments or praise.

"I. . . I'm sorry. . ." Logan's voice finally broke and cracked as he mumbled out an apology. The others were confused at first, but all their expressions softened.

"Logan, listen to me. . ." Charles spoke up once more, moving closer to him as the others moved carefully. "Look at me." He requested. Logan was hesitant, which was unlike him, but he slowly lifted his head, looking at the old man. Charles smiled softly, hands in his lap. "You were. . . By far one of my most difficult students. . . Some days I didn't know if you would stay or truly run off and never return. . . You were a wild card, and sometimes you still are. . . Even now. Despite what you may think, or how you perceive yourself. . . You're a good man at heart. No one is immune to mistakes, hell I've made my fair share of mistakes in life. . . But you are as stubborn as they come. You cared not for rules and you could be very troublesome. . . But you are not what they made you. . ." He states, a warm yet tired smile on his face. Logan still had tears running down his cheeks.

"B. . . But I. . . I left. . . I walked away and--" Logan was trying to keep it together, but he was very emotional right now.

"You didn't know it would happen. . . No one did. . . It's not your fault, Logan. . ." Jean tried to comfort him again, smiling gently at him to assure him. But Logan didn't buy it, how could he? Because of him, they were all on their own. He could have done something to help.

"Stop focusing on the 'what-ifs', Logan." Beast scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "What's been done is done, the past cannot be changed. . . All we can do is learn from it, and ensure that it never repeats again." For once, Logan thought, for once that big blueberry of a mutant finally said something that made some sense to him.

"You've been so caught up in your mind and the world before. . . But you've been given a new chance, Logan. . ." Charles spoke once again, the sun shadowed by a few clouds now. "You have a chance to make things right. What happened is in the past. . . You must move on, and pave a bright future. . . Not just for yourself, but for those around you as well." He moved back a bit, and so did the others, the talk grass shifting from the breeze. Logan looked around as everyone backed up, he rubbed his eyes as he sniffled.

"I. . . I can't move on. . . I can't forget you guys. . . What I did. . ." Logan looked down at the grass, fists clutched.

"Moving on isn't forgetting. . . It's remembering and no longer hurting. . . Missing someone just shows how much they meant to you, right?" Jean smiled, humming softly as she stood with Scott.

"One of the biggest steps in healing is acceptance, Logan. . . It's okay to let go." Scott held Jean's hand, those ruby red shades covering his eyes, but they had a gentle look to them.

"It's not goodbye forever. . . Just a see you next time." Rogue spoke up, smiling softly towards Logan, hands at her sides.

"Yeah, we'll just. . . See you another time." Kitty smiled softly, hands in her pocket. Logan was quiet, besides the small sniffles as he tried to keep himself somewhat together still. Acceptance sounded like a curse. But he couldn't continue to drown himself in anger and hate and guilt. He had to work to improve. The past could haunt him, could haunt his nightmares, but he'd never forget the best people that had ever entered his life. He took a deep breath, and he nodded.

"A. . . Alrigh'. . . I uhm, think I'm ready. . ." Logan was a bit hesitant, but knew that this is what he had to do. He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath in. He opened his eyes with a tired grin. "I may have never said it before, or really shown' it. . . . But I love you guys. . . You meant a lot to me. . ." He mumbled.

Sure, not everything was perfect all the time. There were disagreements, fights recklessness, lots of stuff. Both good and bad. But Logan didn't regret meeting the X-Men. He just wished he had more time with them. His gaze was on the grass, and when he looked up, everyone was gone. But in their place stood new foliage and fauna. Plants of different colors and different arrays of beauty where everyone once was. Peter Pears grew tall and entangled with Red Orchids. Garden Grape-Hyacinth grew a few feet away, White Roses too. Platycodon Grandiflorus grew where Kitty once stood, and so many more floura grew, overtaking the tall grass to be a meadow, no longer an empty space of trees and stones and pain. Logan was heartbroken, but the sight brought him comfort, in an odd way. Knowing that now, they were never too far away. They were still around, even if he couldn't see them, smell them, or hear them. They were there, and that brought him ease. He took a deep breath of the fresh air and soon closed his eyes as the sun got brighter. When his eyes opened again, he felt. . . Lightened.

"Logan?!" Wade was right in his face, not exactly a pretty sight to see first thing. And definitely not something he needed to see right when waking up. His heart jumped in his chest, and he quickly sat up, his forehead smashing into Wade's as he moved. Wade winced and stumbled back a bit, but soon laughed loudly, relieved that Logan wasn't dead. Logan rubbed his head for a moment, before feeling something drip down his chin. He touched his face, and he felt tears. Had he been crying in his sleep? He turned to look at Wade, which was when he also noticed Althea with a bucket of water.

"Well, is he dead?" She stood there, ready to throw it on Logan like Wade had originally planned for her to do. Wade grinned, taking the bucket from her.

"Nah, he ain't dead. Just a heavy sleeper. Guess that's to be expected if he hasn't slept properly, Wolverines sleep in three to four hour cycles regularly. And this one clearly doesn't." He snickered with a big grin. Logan rolled his eyes, smirking a bit as he shooke his head and snorted.

"Ah, go fuck yourself, bub. . ."

[deusluxuria]

elaborate on yout gyro schizoprenia headcanon

{I thought I'd lost that old post to Tumblr's terrible search function, but luckily I had it typed up in my Evernote lol here it is:}

His most prevalent symptoms are auditory hallucinations, intrusive thoughts*, and poor impulse control. He tends to do outlandish, sometimes even shocking things without any idea why he just did such a thing. This includes saying strange, nonsensical things. One reason why he doesn't like being around people or making connections is because he always assumes they'll misunderstand or worse.

He has a notebook he always carries with him, which he uses as a coping skill item to scribble down his intrusive thoughts in order to try and acknowledge them and to stop thinking about them. The "executing" act of writing them down and then shutting the notebook is sometimes helpful to clear his head. But not always, particularly with the more upsetting intrusions.

Near the beginning of SBR, when Gyro got mad at Johnny for looking at the paper of Marco in his luggage, it was also because he didn't want Johnny to see the notebook and to get the wrong idea.

Although he had trusted Johnny enough to leave his stuff there in the first place, he had already started to like Johnny, and it's so rare for Gyro to actually like someone that he got scared of Johnny misunderstanding him. When, with most people, he couldn't care less what they thought of him.

It took him a while to feel comfortable explaining to Johnny that he had schizophrenia, especially since Johnny clearly had massive trouble accepting his own disability.

It was only when the two got close enough to, for example, comfortably sleep directly next to each other and shower together without a second thought, that Gyro told him. Johnny's response was relief. He had been worried about Gyro and thought maybe the pressure of trying to save Marco was getting to him (not that it wasn't).

{*Update for 2025 on intrusive thoughts: TikTok and whomever other out-of-control, zeitgeisty collectives of social media have totally warped the meaning of this psychology term. Intrusive thoughts are typically very disturbing, all-encompassing "daydreams" that suddenly barge into your psyche. They're usually very upsetting and very outside of the person's moral compass / values. Like a sudden thought about yourself seriously harming an animal, when you'd never, ever want to.

Intrusive thoughts don't have any effect on the person's impulses or actions or values, but they can be so upsetting that the person has a shutdown, meltdown, or falls into a daze. Intrusive thoughts can be debilitating and can make it very hard to concentrate and engage with everyday tasks.}

[vicetrevni]

I recently justgot TikTok back on my phone, and I swear to fuck I saw the most mind-boggling bullshit of a comment that I have ever come across.

So I'm going to rant about it here, because my phone sucks ass and TikTok constantly crashes on me every time I try to post anything on there (plus here on Tumblr I can swear as I damn well please and OH am I pissed).

It was a video about censorship and kids being in adult spaces (things legally labeled for an 18+ audience). Saying that we, as adults, have the 'responsibility' to keep these spaces 'clean' for the kiddos rather than just outright kicking out the little fuckers or ignore them if they're being quiet.

But that wasn't what made me the most angry.

No, it gets worse.

This same person then commented 'well we should keep all adults away from kids stuff like Roblox and all that too' and I just lost my goddman mind over this.

Like how? Can someone just?? Be this ignorant and stupid???

Even if an adult joins Roblox of their own volition (like I did last year), it doesn't mean we're suddenly gonna all be predators or some other bullshit because there's kids involved or the game/service is rated 'E' for everyone.

In all honesty, I just wanna play the games and mind my own business - I don't even use the chat function at all, simply because I don't want to talk with minors in any way (or really any other players) while I'm trying to relax and play Dandy's World or do some silly 'wheat harvest' game to pass the time.

And what about those who grow up with Roblox? Do they suddenly just get their accounts deleted once they're 18+?

Because that sounds so fucking stupid to me, just imagine how far that could really go if it was implemented and no one would be happy with it.

Now, I get a tiny part of it. There are real predators out there using these services/games to target real children. And some stuff on Roblox should not be on there, or at least be HEAVILY 'censored' (i.e. blocked) so no accounts under 18+ will get access to them so easily. Because nasty people will exist, and kids will always be curious/naive enough to go snooping.

But here's the thing.

These services themselves to need to be more monitored, I agree. But if people are going to have the 'morality debate' over this, we should be wary of what censorship can/will do if the government gets their grubby fingers into it.

I remember hearing someone say that 'these things should not be censored but instead berated and demonized like any other bad thing that exists in the world'. Because, if we forget, things like CP and all that are already illegal. And 99% of the time, we can either report it when we see it or look away.

It's not 'moral' to think that by simply censoring what we don't like will lead to a more 'pure' world. It is just fascism, pure and simple. And giving that power to the elite only means THEY can do all that nasty stuff while saying we are the 'problem'. Literally what Hitler did during WW2, and we all should remember how bad it was for everyone involved at the time.

Just remember, ask why the person wants 'censorship' and explain to them why it's truly bad compared to knowing these things exist. Because hiding it away won't make it disappear. We just become blind to it, and that is what THEY want.

...also, we were all kids once. It's nothing new, to see kids sneaking around looking at porn or other gross stuff they may not be ready for. The best we can do is help these kids once they're ready for that talk, and for their damn parents to actually give a shit enough to monitor their online activity instead of blaming other people for whatever their kid sees/does.

If these kids see nasty stuff, cool. We all saw it too, it doesn't make them special if they suddenly say 'ew gross' and then complain about it. They're only hurting the communities they infest, even moreso now that a lot of them are spouting Purity Culture as if they'll suddenly be 'superior' to the rest of us for 'speaking out' against the cringe every single fandom that exists has.

But even if I hate how it's going, I still wouldn't censor any of it. If I truly find something outright illegal, I report it and move on. And that's it.

I don't like it? I'll just scroll/block.